I… really don’t know what to do. Yesterday, I wrote a post that expressed my desire to no longer live, and yet, I find that something odd is holding me back. Between the wonderful comments yesterday and my family actually being nice to me despite me not even saying much to them, I was actually… happy. I was able to forget about my self- loathing and have a day where people… cared? Such a weird word for me to say. But, I woke up this morning coming down from my high from yesterday- to hear my brother expressing his love for his girlfriend, aka, the girl who is the reason I despise myself so much.
Despite this small revelation, I still stand by my decision to take my life in a short while. My garden is going to bloom sooner than expected. I see it as a good thing.
P.S. Thank you for your comments Jon, I write these posts to get out my frustrations- and with a hope that you might sayÂ something to me. And you have. Thank you so very much.