Don’t know what else to do.

July 26th, 2009by wooliebear

I’m a 25 year old who is married to a very loving husband. Really he is my only good thing in my life. I feel so depressed because I can’t graduate from college. I’ve tried to hard to pass math to graduate but its not working and I’m unable to finish. I have taken it several times and I have tried every method in the book. I am just not a math person. So I’m working at a movie theatre with teenagers to make ends meet even though I’m barely making them because I get min. wage and not very many hours, just part time. I am so ashamed of my life and who I am. I want to be more sucessful. Even getting another min. wage job would work if I got enough hours. I’ve been trying to find a second job, different job. Anything. I feel inadequate and not worthy of life. My sister is a complete ***** and I’ve been thinking about taking her out of my life but I can’t bare to live a life without my niece. She’s just a baby but I want to have a relationship with her in the future. I’m scared of what the future will hold. I can’t stand to  have someone who is always negative, always hurts me, says mean things, and acts like a complete crazy person all the time. I go see a therapist but it doesnt seem to be work nor do the meds I’ve tried. I know its stupid and I wont kill myself. At least not today but why do I keep on contemplating it? I’ve tried to make my life better but it doesnt seem to be working. Without my husband being there for me and knowing what I’m going through I’m not sure if I could do it. It does help to have that support system. I guess  I’m just writing this to rant and get my feelings out. I’m not sure what else to do. I just feel so unhappy all the time and I am so depressed with my life. Financially, Emotionally, Physically ( i have very bad arthritis that prevents me from walking sometimes and not able to work out very well so im overweight), etc. Everything is just shitty and I’m not sure what to do to make me happier or make life better.

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