It’s so messed up. I don’t even know why I’m doing this. I guess the reason I want to die is because metaphorically I’m dying inside already, and I want life to end before I’m dead in there.
I’m an angry teenager too young to be classified as a teenager. The pain hurts. I want to cut myself like I did before when I had no reason to, and now I have reasons to and somehow I can’t bring myself to do it.
My relatives hate me because I’m silent, “unfilipino”, different. I can’t count how many times I’ve seen them ignore me. Ironically, I’ve been somewhat abandoned without ever being abandoned; they’re just dragging me along.
I’ve always wondered what everyone would do after I died. It’s a calming thought to me when it shouldn’t be. Maybe they’ll be sorry they no one ever treated me right, but I’m over-exaggerating that prediction.
I’m wasting my life. When I fall asleep I always wish that I would never wake up and stay in this dream where everything is right for once. I feel a strain on my chest when I hop out of bed at 2:00 pm.
I have this fantasy that one day I’ll move to France and start a new life away from this place. But I know that could never happen.
So I’ll probably kill myself soon when everything gets pretty bad. What’s my plan? I don’t know. I just want to go “away”.
(Hopefully Forever)
Jeane
3 comments
Noooo!!! Don’t do it!! *** to france live life!!! i would type more but my wrist is broken. Love, Jess. <3 😀 stay strong, for me!!
feeling lonley and unloved is hard. but there is always someone out there who will miss you
I’m Filipino too. Asian-American women are the most to commit suicide in women. They don’t want to talk or hear about how we feel if its not happy. They avoid it or ignore it.
When I tried to talk to them, they called me selfish, dramatic, emotional. They called it nonsense.
I hope you do go to France or live out your dreams…