Feeling empty.

  July 15th, 2009 by Atamee

I have always thought since I was a little girl that kindness was a value to defend and to spread all over. Now at 34, I lost my hopes and dreams, I lost the lust to have lust. Feeling like an empty shell. I based my relationships on trust, I was like an open strore where you could get anything for free, because I thought it was the right way to be. Exspecting that people would stop themselves from taking too much at a time. I loved the men I had stories with, like crazy, putting myself aside to help them fullfill their needs and curing them from their old wounds. Lately January in fact, my strory with the man my heart had chosen as being “the one” ended, I was destroyed, but I kept my head high. Recently 6 months after, I tried to fall in love again, I felt on a real psycho that hacked my email accounts my mobile. He just ruined my life. I carry a heavy past of abuses, it  was like a rape to me. The ultimate one. And I just got news from the man I used to love so much he is in a great new love story. I am not jealous, just empty, everything has been stolen from me. Why, tell me why people do not have respect for kindness? why do people prefer to destroy rather than love and share? I do not understand the world I live in, I lost my faith. I do not yet know how I will get away, I had already two suicide attempt when I was younger, the third one will be well done. Or is there anyone that has something to share to make me believe or bring back to life a sparkle of hope? feel free to share it with me, I do not believe anymore.

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