i just don’t know what’s going on nemore
i’m a webdesigner and graphics artist, i love designing, i love drawing i love being creative, ever since i was a little kid i dreamt of doing what i love, making people happy by what i can create, by what i’m able to do.
i’ve been a freelance artist for bout 2 years now and i see that it isn’t anything like what i imagined/hoped it would be, people don’t care about your feelings, about your work.
i’ve sacrificed everything i have for my carreer, now finding out that i am absolutely not happy with what i am, with what i’m able to do.
i have no one, i’m a stranger in my own country, i don’t even have someone to give me a good hug when i’m sad, i need to deal with things myself, it’s been this way all my life.
i’m sick and tired of having this, of having no one to talk to, i’ve decided to step out of this life and see what’s on the other side.
i just hope that people will understand my decision.
i just feel so empty inside.
to whoever reads this, you’re probably the first and last person that ever sincerely listened to what i had to say, that ever felt what i felt.
and i thank you for that, god i’m crying my eyes out right now,
just take care, and live the life i never had, live a life of happines.
your friend
peter
10 comments
Hi Peter, my name is Erich. I am much like you – alone in this world…
I will take your advice, and I do hope to one day meet you, whether it be in this world or the next. But when we do meet, I hope that we are both happy.
your friend
Erich
Don’t do it, please, don’t. If you went through one yoga class you would feel differently. Please don’t . email me.
Hey there peter. I care and God cares. Sometimes the light comes in the morning, and sometimes it is still cloudy when you wake up, but it will pass. This whole world will pass away. You can make it. Draw the faith from deep inside of you and then hold tight and don’t let go. I don’t know everything, but I know the way that you are headed now is not the easy way out.
Dear Peter,
We have a lot in common in that we both loved art, I too applied to college for graphic design but chose not to pursue it for the very reason your having trouble. I wanted to draw my own art, not what someone else wanted or expected of me, so that’s what I did.
It’s what you can do too, learn to love your art on your own terms. As for work, just do something else, when times get tough, it’s time to change your life, not end it.
As for seeing what’s on the other side, I’ve been there too. I hung myself in my basement many years ago and no one found me, I saw stars and everything went black. I don’t know if I died or not but I hung on that rope a long time, I was lucky though, I woke up.
What I realized during my suicide was that life is just a series of tests, that your soul is immortal, not only will you live forever but you have always lived, even before you were born. And all the hardships in your life are planned to test you. If you kill yourself, you will be reborn and have to go through it all again. Break that pattern, live and change your life, make new friends, move to another city, change your career. In time these problems, so overwhelming as though they seem, will matter no more to you than a random test from your high school days. And remember that no matter how much it may seem to be, you are not alone.
Peter, if you’re not gone yet, I’m willing to listen. I can understand. Art is a form of expression. And people won’t understand that right away. Just like people not understanding what you are feeling. You’ll get tough breaks, but your passion will illuminate you. It will help someone find you. Keeping going. It may not be what you thought it was but you’ve been a freelance artist for two years, there has to be some good parts about it, focus on those parts.
peter yu can talk to me because im considering suicide also . last resort i just need someone to talk to.
Dear Peter, two days ago, I was in the depths of despair and was going to end it all – the pain I felt was unbearable and all I wanted was for it to stop. I cried out and some strangers reached out to me and listened for as long as I needed to talk. Now, I’m trying not to dwell on regrets of the past or challenges of the future. I’m trying to take each day as it comes.
If you are still here, I understand and will listen.
Love, hugs and peace
Angel xx
there are good parts in making art, that’s being able to express your feelings in your work, but i just can’t take the fact that people buy my work, not looking at the true story behind it.
some people think of art, as just something someone created, but i see my own work as the story of my life, of how i was, of how i felt.
there’s a story behind each painting, behind each piece i make. and people just don’t appreciate that, people just don’t think about what is truly there.
they say the pen is mightier than the sword, i write with colors and words, i write with feelings and emotions, and what they see is just a combination that suits their design needs …
god, when i was 16 i felt like i could take the world, i had a girlfriend, had my art, played the guitar, …
and now what’s left, i’m a loner, someone who paints and designs for a living, yet hates the fact that he has “clients”.
every day, i listen to music, sitting in the corner of my bedroom, back against the wall, crying.
what am i ?
nothing, i’m no one.
who cares for me ? no one.
except for you aleshya, and i thank you for listening to what i had/have to say.
your friend
peter
stay just for a bit longer. Please. Read some of these posts and see how other people are getting through black times. You are never alone. And life will get happier. Keep the faith, my friend. You have an amazing gift in your art and there’s a whole world waiting to know it.
Dude, I feel you. I was an aspiring filmmaker/actor. I’ve won awards for my acting and scripts. People have told me over and over how talented I was.
But, as you know, there comes a time when all that stops and reality steps in.
The thing is that you have a talent, a gift. You love to create. It’s your thing. Like acting and screenwriting was mine. Do it because you love it. It’s yours, no one can take it away. But you.
I’m not gonna preach. But think about it.