I really can’t take this anymore. I’m sorry to all of you who take offense to me, since you all have real legitimate problems that I want to help you with if it weren’t for my own selfishness and self loathing got in the way. I’m sorry.
I hate my family. I always try to see the good in people rather than be a total pessimist, but I am always proved wrong. I hate how my father comes home everyday piss drunk. I hate how my little brother is treated like a king when he acts like an asshole 24/7. I hate how my older brother doesn’t give a shit about how horrible and disgusting his girlfriend is. I hate how my parents are bona-fide neat freaks, and they make m mop something almost 10 times a day even though my hands are calloused and bloody from ringing out the mop. I hate how my mother makes me weigh myself everyday, and how she claps and is estatic when I gain weight. And you know what really gets me? Is that they look at me with the same (if not more) hate that I look at them with. It puzzles me when my brothers friends come over and never want to leave. I just look at them thinking you dumbasses! don’t you know this is the seventh circle of hell? Sometimes I even laugh because they really have no clue. And I pity them for that.
I will apologize once again for how utterly ungrateful you all probably think I’m being.
My future seems to get considerably darker every day. I don’t see myself graduating high school or college or even getting a job. Hell, I don’t even see myself losing my virginity. I don’t see myself doing any of those things because my everyday life is a constant reminder that I can’t. So I’ve come up with a plausable solution for all of this. I have my death planned down to the T, and it sounds extremely wonderful:
First, I will ask my mother if a day could be ‘Peaches Day’ (its what my family does for one certain person of the family; its like a birthday) and she will say yes. When my day comes, I will wear all my gorgeous dresses that I sewed myself but never had the confidence to wear; my whole family will dress up too (all in black, preferably). We will go have dinner and they will give me presents and i will be smiling with happiness because I know that I won’t have to endure this bullshit any longer. I don’t have to see my family lie through their teeth anymore when they say how proud they are of me. During dinner I will look at my parents and tell them how my brothers girlfriend molested me for over a year and how supid they were. They will be shocked and start crying and yell at my brother (or not) and i will just sit there smiling and eating my food, knowng it is only a matter of time. The rest of the night will consist of arguing between my parents and my brother, so I will have to the oppurtunity to slip away and go to a huge field of flowers not too far away. It’s there that I will swallow my bag of aspirin and down my bottle of soda, and just sigh with relief and happiness.
This may not all pan out the way I wanted too, but I will try my best. I was obssesed with fairy tales as a little kid, so it makes sense that I want my death to be a bit fairy tale-ish.
I apologize once again.
Sincerely,
Peaches
8 comments
noo!! don’t do it please. im begging you. if you can sew dresses and tell your parents that. just dont do it. killing youself is lwtting those shitheads win!! do you really want them to win? i think not. like you sound beautiful and amazing so just once you get a car. just drive further and further and create a new life. i bet you dont want to die, you want to escape what your feeling. and the only way you feel you can escape is too die, right? well you can escape by not ding theres many many ways. if you msn u can get at me, oshtxitzjess@hotmail.com please dont do it, you too good for that. PLEASE STAY STRONG!!! <3 (:
noo!! don’t do it please. im begging you. if you can sew dresses and tell your parents that. just dont do it. killing youself is lwtting those shitheads win!! do you really want them to win? i think not. like you sound beautiful and amazing so just once you get a car. just drive further and further and create a new life. i bet you dont want to die, you want to escape what your feeling. and the only way you feel you can escape is too die, right? well you can escape by not ding theres many many ways. if you msn u can get at me, oshtxitzjess@hotmail.com please dont do it, you too good for that. PLEASE STAY STRONG!!! <3 (: love, jess.
Hello peach’s..im caitlin =)
Im not sure how old you are..but im almost certain that your not much older than me..
I dont know how your feeling with what your going through as such..apart from the part where you wish to end your life..And there’s a few thing’s that i have to say about that, and if you’ll take your time to read below..i’ll only be to happy to state them =)..
I dont like it when people (no matter how much they think there trying, and i ment that with no disrespect) say i know “exactly” how you feel..because let’s be honset..they dont..everyone’s diffrent, yeah? So im not going to sit here and tell you that..but i can empathise..i’ve been in the “i want it over there’s no way out for me anymore” situation more than once..and tbh..im still in it..but this isnt about me..it’s about you =) I would only be to happy to know you could hold onto the thought of knowing that ONE day…you’ll get out of this shit thing your enduring which we call life and break free to become a new person..that’s what im doing..but it’s a hell of alot harder than it seems..otherwise i wouldnt be where i am..and nither would you im guessing..=\Im not entierly sure what i wanted to say..apart from the fact that im not sure your ready to give up on life just yet..and like i said..i dont know you and that could be classed as me being very judge mental..but please take my word for it..im not..and i have no reason for you to trust my words of how your life could one day become magicaly amazing..because no one know’s that..but i would only hope you could stay strong enough to try and see it happen? But the finall thing i have to say to you peach’s it that..i cant stop you from doing what your planning to do..and some times people just arnt cut out or strong enough to live this life..but i just dont belive that your old enough to know that yet..( again..im not being judge mental..sorry!) But if you feel like you dont wish to go on and you’ve tried everything from counciller’s to family and friens..i wish you all the best..but just remember..if you “plan” dosent go the way you wish..thing’s in reality may not be any better the secound time..As i said..i wish you the best and i hope you’ll be ok..( you can contact me on caitlingreen@hotmail.co.uk if you want to..i wont talk if you dont want me to..i’ll just listen..but i’ll be there..even if i am on the other side of the screen..and that’s somthing i’ll promise you..and i dont like making promises..but this..i’ll keep and never break..
Bye for now at least i hope..X
peaches, i agree with one part of your plan, you do need to tell your parents about your brothers gf, because she needs to be punished. preferably quite severely…. i hate people like that. stay alive…. there are people who care. jessica cares, I care. think of all the people who got support from your comments. you keep doing that! you can help more people! if thats not what you like, then you could tear them down. either way, find something to live for. we are here for support
Murtaugh3@gmail.com
Everyone here has a reason to want to die. Everyone here has been in this situation, and, like Caitlin said, many of us still are. All of us at some point have wanted out, to move on from this shitty reality. What I haven’t figured out is why we come to this site, willing to share our insecurities and stories with complete strangers. We lay ourselves out on these pages free for anyone to read whenever they want. Is it because somewhere deep inside, we feel doubt? That maybe part of us is unsure that this is what we really want and wants to be talked out of it. Or do we come seeking encouragement, someone to help us follow through with our plan and assure us that it is the right choice? Either way, it seems that what we really want is interaction with one another, someone to talk to. No, I do not know how you are feeling; It would be stupid of me to tell you that I do. If you do not want to be talked out of your decision I understand. I’m not going to tell you that life is full of butterflies and rainbows.
But I am here to talk to if that is what you want.
rug-1@hotmail.com
Aspirin would take around 1-2 weeks to kill you…
i took 30 asprin..about 8months ago..i was fine..=\
loveyou., x
Look,you can not do this to yourself Peaches please please please,your life is not worth your decision. Its your life,I agree with Jessica,just move on honey,leave ppl who are unaware of you,and move on with your life…go on and prove them that they were so wrong about you…go on and live for yourself and baby you need to love yourself for this good thing!
They dont deserve your harshness towards your own life. Go and be yourself and turn a deaf ear to those who knows only to criticize.
Please live a healthy life as you can,life is full of ups and downs,I agree..I tried to attempt suicide when I was in my High school,and was stuck in 2papers altogather,I was bullied and I wanted to just end it up. But I couldnt,I was so sure that I could do much better with my life,I tried another field,went to another high school,avoid family gatherings,made new friends and had hangouts,now I have done my graduation and I am a teacher. Ppl still talk about why I am teaching kids,but I give a damn,I’l do what I love. So Peaches,seriously honey…change your route and YOU CAN CHANGE YOUR LIFE IN A BETTER WAY.:)