Well, itâ€™s about that timeâ€¦again! I am awaiting the police to serve my warrant and take me to jail for defrauding my bank (1800.00)â€¦but I had too, I had to pay the rent, bills and put food on the table for my family! I tried to explain to them, but money matters more in this world than life or so it seems! I already have a criminal background in fraud from years ago, always trying to support my family seems to get me in trouble. Yes, I have a job but it does not pay all the bills and we get further in debt everyday. My husband has served in Iraq for 3 tours and ever since he got out of the Air Force we have suffered.
I tried to commit suicide back in 2003â€¦3 bottles of Tylenol PM and I sliced my right wrist all the way to the bone. I still have no feeling in it as I cut every tendon and ulnar nerve in my wrist. I kept waking up throughout the night and kept slicing with the razor blade. Needless to say I am still here, after a week in hospital due to surgery trying to repair the damage and the lovely psych ward.
I got to meet one of the EMTâ€™s that was on site at my house and to this day he told me he still has no clue how such a beautiful woman (I have no clue why everyone thinks I am, when I feel so ugly inside) is even alive today. He said my whole King size bed was full of blood and there was nothing left of my wrist other then tendons flapping around, skin just hanging, and bone. He said I barely had a pulse, but taking all the sleeping pills made my heart stop pumping so much blood and that is why I am probably still hereâ€¦Yea Meâ€¦whatever!!
6 months ago, when our car was taken and we were evicted I tried again! STUPIDâ€¦I tried with 3 bottles of Unisom and drank a bottle of wine. Hey guess what, my failure of an ass is still here! Pretty said I am such a failure I cannot even kill myself, huh? Sleeping pillsâ€¦HUGE MISTAKE, I woke up to stomach pumping, seeing spiders all over me with red ants biting me and just freaking out completely! Oh, and I have liver damageâ€¦again Yea Meâ€¦
This time, itâ€™s going to be a hanging! I honestly think if I prepare it all correctly I will finally be able to do the jobâ€¦you know the saying, 3rd times a charm? Lets hope!
I think I will set it up and then take some sleeping pills (to fall asleep since I am scared of not being able to breathe) and when I get ready to doze off the chair will fall and I will hang. I also cannot buy a gun due to my past, and that seems so messyâ€¦I am done having my poor family clean up my messes! I am done with the system and this terrible world! I feel great after writing this, Iâ€™d love to come back and tell everyone it worked and was not so painful but if it works then I wonâ€™t be around anymore! With my luck Iâ€™ll post again saying I failed yet againâ€¦