just lost and confused

Life Is A Prison by Puff Life is a prison, Oh God let me out. No one to listen, To hear when you shout. Climb the walls of insanity, Ride the waves of despair. If you fall it don’t matter, There’s no one to care. Used to wish for a window, To see birds, trees and sky, But you’re better without one – Stops you aiming too high. Watching freedom is painful, For those locked away. Seeing joy, love and happiness, Another price that you pay. Strong is good, weak is bad. Be it false, be it true. Your mind makes the choice, And enforces it too. Cell walls built by society, With rules to adhere. If you breach the acceptable, You had better beware. Hide the pain, carry on, Routine is the key. Don’t let on that you’re not, What you’re pretending to be. Lock it all up inside you, How badly that bodes. Look out for that one day, When it all just explodes. Leaving naught but a shell, Base functionality too. But killing all else, That was uniquely you. So how do you grow, With a timebomb inside? Or how to defuse it, Without destroying its ride? You can’t.

 

 

Nothing is ever good enough. Not for my either of my dads nor my mom. My biological dad only wants to see me when it’s his turn so that my mom can’t. I go… I’m not so sure why. I know he is just using me. Then he trys to bribe me by saying we are going shoping or do something “fun”. Sure, Why not? What do I else do I have to lose. I stay with my mom just to get cussed out and shit. I can do something perfect and she still acts all sarcastic about it like it’s my first step as a lil baby. She never means what she actually says unless it’s putting me down some more. Always putting me down and shit. She tells me to “get a life!!!” ect…. Well, Don’t I have to be able to get out first? I would think so. I’m like on house arrest or something. Everybody is the same way. Nothing is ever good enough! Why don’t some of the people always complaining DO something if there so unhappy about it. Do it for yourself since you want it so much.
On the reality part of this…. I will continue to try to make them happy. I will put my thoughts away untill the night where noone can see me but God. I will fake smiles and laughts like I have done for quite a few years now. I will do these things because I think it is just habbit at this point. I will continue to be locked in my cage and chained down. I will keep control in the daylight and have a complete breakdown in the night so I will be able to make it through another damn day.
Suicide sounds like such an easy way out of it all. Everything just stopping. I believe in hevan and hell; I don’t know which I would end up in if I were to suicide, but then again if I were able to do so then I guess it wouldn’t really matter. Either way It would be some kind of relief for me. For all the people who just don’t care. For all fo those that don’t want me here anymore. And so what if they are glad I am dead. It dosn’t matter to me. There is always going to be somebody that they have to put up with.

I’m going to go now because it is pointless anyways and I’m not sure if it even makes any sence