The simplified version is just that i hate myself. I hate myself completely with no room for positive. I’ve tried going to get help, but i end up shutting them out.Â I am a despicable human being. With no purpose in life. I’m not contributing anything to this planet, my family, or anyone else’s life. I can’t look in the mirror anymore. I have no friends because i don’t and wont trust anybody. I’ve never known love only rejection. I only seem to piss people off when I am around. It seems to me that everyones’ life that i have come in contact with would be much better off if i would cease to exist. I’m skinny and ugly and i can’t seem to eat enough to change my skinny and don’t have the money to change my ugly. I have no skills in anything and only seem to be able to laze. I am a horrible human being and the world would be better off if i stopped consuming its resources. Every time i sit with the bottle in my hand or think how easy it would be with a gun, i freeze.Â I am a coward who can’t take his own life. I’m tired of living with this pain. This hate isn’t going away. I fucking hate myself and all i can do is put a smile on my face and wave at every body like nothing is wrong anymore. I hate myself. Privately. I want this to end.