July 12th, 2009 by robaleena

People that dont feel the way I do will never understand. My chest feels so heavy and it’s hard to breathe most of the time. There is a constant ache inside me. My husband is leaving me. I cannot imagine a life where he is not part of it. I keep waking up every day and it hits me so hard. I have to take tylenol pm at night to even fall asleep. I wish i could sleep all day and night. We have a daughter who is 14. I know I am hurting her but I dont know how to stop this. I am like a zombie. I cant even fake it anymore. I cant eat. All i can think about is my husband and how bad i messed things up. The worst part of all this is it is my fault. He loved me so much and I just pushed him away. I hate myself. When I look in the mirror i feel sick. I have allways had a hard time pushing down thoughts of suicide. But this is different. I think of all the ways to do it and there is allways a way it can go wrong. I think about my daughter but Im not even taking care of her now.

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