(www.projectplaylist.com  type in Runs in the Family – Amanda Palmer and enjoy)
First, let me introduce you to Reuben. The male role model. The alpha male. While he may seem like a badass on the outside , what with his socks and sandles and banjo playing, hes really a total and compleate IDIOT. He tries to be sweet, and would never hit his children, and tries to always do the right thing, but , unfortunatly, he doesnt really know what right is. Raised in an abusive home he thinks just because he doesnt hit us he is god. He thinks because he has a penis he is always right, and he thinks because he is older, he is smarter, even though he never finished high school. #1 Dad.
Next, meet my favorite little slut, Crystal. My mother. Shes a two faced kind of woman. The kind that should be a lawyer or a banker or something you have to be able to lie well to do. But instead, she piddles away in customer service. She has 3 children, each from different men, and all of them planned (except me of course, im her favorite lil pain in the ass) And loves them dearly…
*cough*when their sleeping*coughcoffcough*…Crystal has recently gotten a whole lot more smug with the goings on in her family, because once again, she fucked up and got away with it. See, Crystal, my BIOLOGICAL mother, got caught sending compleatly nude pictures of herself to an 80 year old man.
I caught her.
It wasnt hard. Its not like she hadnt been bragging about this, and a few other men shes been messing round with…or that she threatened to kill me if i told anyone….oh, but no worries, my parents are still happily married and loving life. Mostly because i dont have the guts to tell dad that there was more than one guy. Especially now that i know he wont do a damn thing.
God. My real dad diddnt even want me. I met him once, he didnt even talk to me. He just signed the paper forfieting all rights, gave me 10 bucks and left. That cankerous yeasty waste of space. Didnt even look at me. I was 9.
This is in my blood. These pathetic disgusting conniving un educated losers created me. Shaped me. Made me who i am. Is that why decent people treat me like disease?? Because they can smell the white trash emmiting from my pores like some kind of reppellant? Is this why im bi polar? Because my own brain realizez im not worthy of happiness??
Im not ready to talk about my brothers. But i think summerizing my parents was enough for one day.
8 comments
Worthlessness sucks 🙁
your telin me. whats your story??
I dont have a story really. Well like I do but I dont no how to tell it like – I tried with this http://suicideproject.org/archives/2009/06/16/2068/#comments and reading it now does kind of sum me up cause I know what it all means. Im a square piece in an circle only puzzle. I just dont fit anywhere. So always feel worthless always feel depressed.. And realising I always have been. The only difference is now instead of feeling like topping myself from time to time, I constantly think of it ( excluding this last week doc put me on antidressant and it kind of numbs things makes hard to shed a tear, feels strange). However im starting to think through it now. Was thinking of going camping for the week … Oh I read your story (and another later post) and I see the same stories played out in some friends’ “families” Really there are some parents out there that should be sucked out into the vacume space and left out there to rott slowly. Ha don’t you like when abuse is labeled “good parenting” like ffs!. Some situations destroy some people and make other people stronger (or make them hide thier feelings more effectively). I hid mine. Didnt work to well for me.
your peom is beautiful…and terrifying at the same time…yeah the product of good parenting is usually some desperate house wife with bodies buried in her backyard or something equally friggin weird.
suicide is kind of enchanting in away…its like a ex lover almost…you hate the way they make you feel and what its doing to you..you try to forget and be happy…but its always on your mind, tainting your thoughts….
god imma freak.
your no freak! Your beautiful caring and real. (I will be positive for you even though not for myself :s)
then ill be your positive side. lol this could work
and thanks =)
🙂 Thanks (Woot I smiled)
just becuase u are ‘family’ doesn’t mean u r like them. U r another induvisual, whom obviously has much more humane views of the world. the faster you could get outta there the better. Good luck. Get outta there, find ur future and make sure you don7t become people like them. i know I say it like it’s easy but I know it is hard to do. btw they didn’t create u. they just did it, knocked ur ‘mom’ up and u were the product. they do have influence over you but you sound strong enough to get through this. good luck.