I was wondering have you ever written in a journal everything that you are thinking to get it out to someone, feel better and then throw it away?Â I was reading an article in the newspaper and it’s all about mental health in Canada and how the system sucks.Â It had some people’s stories.Â The more I read it the more I realized that post partum wasn’t the begining for me but a trigger.Â Now I think about all the nights up in the middle of the night just writing and writing until I finally fell asleep and when I got up and read it the next day I couldn’t believe some of the things I wrote.Â Things that I would have never told anyone no matter what.Â Now I’m starting to think that I maybe should talk about it.Â Have you ever felt that way?Â
You know how people think they are the only ones that think stupid crap in there heads when in reality it’s usually something that most people think about so they go to a doctor and get anti-depressants for everything and that there isn’t enough proper diagnosis but they take the drugs anyway because they think they are not normal but in reality there is really no such thing as normal.Â I guess that makes sense but I think that there are people like you and me that are “wired” differently.Â You know what I mean?Â
Is that supposed to mean that once the proper mix of drugs kick in that they fill the gaps or rewire the parts that are messed up and your fixed or do you think it has to do mostly with events in your life that trigger depression and everyone has the potential to become sick?Â If it runs in families (which I’m positive it does) and both parents have times of depression is the child going to get it for sure and how would you know?Â Kids shouldn’t feel like this but you wouldn’t want to rush the whole idea of getting them on medication.Â Isn’t there warnings all over the place that kids shouldn’t take that stuff?Â What else can be done for them and are they prone to being sick at a very early age.Â You know what my doctor didn’t even once refer me to anyone else for help just asked me some questions gave me drugs and told me to come back in 2 weeks.Â
When a person relapses when they have been doing good does that mean that the medication they are on is no longer working or has the illness eaten away more of thier brains?
I lie away all night with this horrible feeling in my stomach and can’t figure out what’s stopping me.Â Leaving all the burden to other people I suppose.Â I can’t believe how much it hurts, knock me outÂ give me something to make me feel happy (drunk is good but expensive), let me sleep and never wake up.Â it hurts so much I’m crying.Â I feel too weak to tell anyone that the meds aren’t working, I dont want to end up in a hospital will they fire me what if they take my son away?Â Shouldn’t family understand and wrap me up in warmth?