I’m glad there is a forum like this that I can relate to. I have a wife and 3 kids and I am 30 years old. I’ve been thinking of suicide for years now and over the past few months have gotten past this weird barrier that I had before. I was so cautious and scared to kill myself before and now I feel like nothing is stopping me. Sort of like a green light. Now I don’t obsess about it as I used to and have moved onto phase 2 in finding the right way to do it. One thing I learned is that I will probably leave town before I do it. I had a parrot for 28 years and couldn’t take care of him anymore so a lady I knew who lived far away came and picked him up to take care of him. He was at the end of his life and I knew this. He died about a month later and it didn’t seem to affect me like I thought it would. I think this was due to him being gone already.
I feel like it would be easier on the kids and wife if they already said bye to me and then I just didn’t come home. Just like many of you I have that hopeless “I’m not worth anything” mindset and I can’t do anything about it. But I’m also on the other side of the fence because I am a born again Christian and believe that although suicide is a sin, all sins are forgiven through Jesus Christ.
What’s stopping me from doing it is a whole slurry of other things that would happen to complicate my family’s lives. I feel like I need to control how everything goes down, even the funeral and arrangements. I’m worried that my life insurance won’t pay my family since it would be a suicide and I’m afraid to even ask them about this in fear they would drop me and my insurance.
Is there anyone inÂ Iowa that would like to talk to me in person? I feel like the best thing for me now is to talk to a stranger and not family/friends. Thanks for listening, fisherminisher