IÂ was at the hospital the past couple of weeks & I’m so scared.Â I’m 18 and I’ve been homeless since Jan., I weigh 70 lbs & I’m barely alive.Â Everytime my brain tumor goes away, Humphrey (yes I named it) comes back & I’m so sick of hospitals & life.Â Then they said I was dangerous to others & wanted to send me to a mental institution but I barely dodged a bullet and left. Since I was 8 I’ve had to rely on someone else to help me live [AKA hospitals/doctors] & I hate it. I hate bothering people. I’ve attempted suicide but was found and taken to the ER, I cut myself, made so many stupid decisions & I hate being such a coward.Â I hate that not 1 person is gonna miss me when I die & that I’m prob going to burn in helI.Â My parents literally hate me, I have $0 [got fired b/c of my “condition”] & my brother & best guy friend all commited suicide b/c of me w/in the last year.Â My bf of 3 yrs died from the SAME cancer as me.Â He should be here not me.Â I’m been raped & abused on the streets in NYC where I “lived” & a couple people just watched & laughed.Â My memory keeps getting worse (no sleep doesn’t help, I get about 2 hrs every other day so I’m always exhausted b/c I am terrified of sleeping.Â What if I don’t wake up?Â And I always get nightmares anyways..) & I keep getting seizures & blacking out in the middle of city streets.Â My memory continues to get worse & I’m not prepared for what will probably happen soon in the future..Â :/
I don’t see anything to live for & I’m so afraid to ask for help.Â I wish I could redo life I’ve messed upÂ so badly.Â The worst part is not 1 person loves me and I’m so afraid of getting help.Â I’m trapped.
I’m sorry. Just, sorry. Sorry you’re having to deal with all this, sorry you feel so alone.
You didn’t ‘mess up’ – even though you’re legally an adult, an 18 year old is only just barely old enough to be out on their own, let alone to be totally in charge of their own lives. Lots of kids live at home into their 20s. So, IT’S NOT YOUR FAULT.
It sounds like the first thing you need is a safe place to be. I don’t know if you’ve tried shelters or what kinds of options are available where you live, but here’s a phone number to help homeless kids and runaways:
1-800-RUNAWAY (or 1-800-621-4000).
If you don’t have a phone, you can call toll free from a pay phone and talk for as long as you want – 800 numbers don’t cost anything.
I talked to a guy at this phone number for about 10 minutes – he was very helpful, they have a database of shelters all over the country, and other options as well. They can get you medical help if needed.
They will NOT try to send you home to your parents if you don’t want to go there. But if you WANT to go home, they can also help you with that.
There’s also a website: http://www.1800runaway.org. You can email them from there if for some reason you can’t use a phone.
If you want more help, feel free to email me at email@example.com. I can’t offer you any money (I’m below poverty level myself), but I’m willing to make phone calls or do more research online to help you find resources where you live.