IÂ was at the hospital the past couple of weeks & I’m so scared.Â I’m 18 and I’ve been homeless since Jan., I weigh 70 lbs & I’m barely alive.Â Everytime my brain tumor goes away, Humphrey (yes I named it) comes back & I’m so sick of hospitals & life.Â Then they said I was dangerous to others & wanted to send me to a mental institution but I barely dodged a bullet and left. Since I was 8 I’ve had to rely on someone else to help me live [AKA hospitals/doctors] & I hate it. I hate bothering people. I’ve attempted suicide but was found and taken to the ER, I cut myself, made so many stupid decisions & I hate being such a coward.Â I hate that not 1 person is gonna miss me when I die & that I’m prob going to burn in helI.Â My parents literally hate me, I have $0 [got fired b/c of my “condition”] & my brother & best guy friend all commited suicide b/c of me w/in the last year.Â My bf of 3 yrs died from the SAME cancer as me.Â He should be here not me.Â I’m been raped & abused on the streets in NYC where I “lived” & a couple people just watched & laughed.Â My memory keeps getting worse (no sleep doesn’t help, I get about 2 hrs every other day so I’m always exhausted b/c I am terrified of sleeping.Â What if I don’t wake up?Â And I always get nightmares anyways..) & I keep getting seizures & blacking out in the middle of city streets.Â My memory continues to get worse & I’m not prepared for what will probably happen soon in the future..Â :/
I don’t see anything to live for & I’m so afraid to ask for help.Â I wish I could redo life I’ve messed upÂ so badly.Â The worst part is not 1 person loves me and I’m so afraid of getting help.Â I’m trapped.