somebody to love.

  July 9th, 2009 by CJ

This site… has been a wonderful outlet for me. When I first came to this site I thought I would have people dogging me on to kill myself; the kind of support I need. I certainly didn’t expect people to read what I wrote, nonetheless care. The comments that I get on some of my most pathetic rants (thank you pulling the plug and jon) seem to move me to tears… partly because it proves that some people care about what I have to say, something I’ve wanted my entire life… and partly because I’m a skeptic and I’m convinced that they really don’t mean it. I want to believe that there are people out there who are willing to give me an iota of their attention.

It’s bittersweet, really. Because I have people who relate to my emotions and are in the same predicament that I’m in, and on the other hand, nobody knows. I wish I could bring up this site, drag my family to come look at it and show them the wonderful comments that people have left me. I want to show them that they should be ashamed, that random people over the Internet care more about me than they do. I feel like yelling at them “Look! People actually listen to what I say! They don’t think I’m ungrateful, or a slut, or fat and lazy! See!”  But, alas, that cannot happen, as much as I would like it to. If they saw what I wrote about them they would probably burn the computer. Or worse. They think me to be ungrateful, when I count my blessings each day, how little they are. They think of me to be a slut, when I’m a virgin and I haven’t even had a boyfriend. They fancy me lazy when extreme fatigue and body pains are symptoms of depression. I don’t even have it in me to prove them wrong anymore.

I couldn’t thank you all enough. I really couldn’t. The comments I get bring tears to my eyes, and although they leave me wondering why people would bother with a person like me, it certainly does make me feel noticed, something I’ve been eluded of my entire life.

Thank you.

With Love,


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