Why does love have to be soo painful?

  July 14th, 2009 by Deaya

im new here but my killing thoughts and death dreams been with me for a long time now! im a 12 years old girl that has many mood swings and problems but who doesnt!! ok my first reason why i wanna die, for years on end my friend has been getting bf’s 10 times a year! i know what your thinking you dont need love to be happy and why am i reading this and blah blah blah!!! if your reading this you gonna be crazy cause no one ever listens to me! you still reading?!? if you you want to then you better be ready for one heck of a ride!! as i was saying my friend got soooo many bf’s a year! i will never loved by anyone only my a kindergarned friend! in 5th grade i played runescape. it was so fun and you could have bf’s on there but its was nothing real it was fake and just for fun! school was a freakin’ drag so i played around on the computer, joking and pranking people! guys are soo stupid on there and would fall for any girl! i would get soo many bf’s and if two or three was on i would freak, i was with my bf when i was walking down this trail and ran into one of my other bf’s!!!! i logged off as quick as i can, i logged in two hours later to see they were still there!! they talked it out while i was gone and they both broke up with me! it was heartbreaking but a funny thing to me! after a couple years of playing on there i met a guy named Bigknight104, ok well i didnt meet him at first and i didnt know he was a guy either! my rl friend was on with her two friends memorymixer and bigknight104… we knew memorymixer was a guy but not bigknight!! my friend even told knight that she liked memory when knight liked her!!!! bigkinght suppostly said he asked me out the other day i was freakin’ out like omg this girl is asking me out!?! XD well blah blah blah i dont have much time you know its 3am here! XDD after a long time bigknight showed me this song saying this is what i think of you and your friend… the song was Lips of an Angel!! i loved the song but now i cry and break down when i hear it!! you see what happen i really fell for this dude… but he was soo crazy and got mad cause i had a tiny crush on his younger brother which was my age! he broke up with me but i begged him back then breakup and make up over and over and over!!! its like the song over and over from three days grace!! that once sweet song just kills me now but that isnt all my worse times! before that when my account was stoled and i never went back i met Doctor1 his real name is Donavan! omg we called each other and we only lived two hours away and we fell in love! my first bf!! at the time my friend jess fell in love with a guy named Randy over myspace and they only lived 20 mins apart!! those good days turned for the worse!! randy got mad and had that they had to break up cause it was long reationship distane(bad speller!) i was like come on dude you live 20 mins away from her!! me and donavan live two hours away from each other!! *shakes head* they broke up and soon donavan’s mother didnt let me talk to him anymore!! i never heard his sweet voice again… i tried jumping a cliff! i sprang my wrist but no one knew. it was heart breaking, bigknight… the guy i tried to keep in my arms forever and now donavan… my only happy thought ever?! never fun for anyone! jess tried not to be my friend i over dose myself and cut myself! oh the worse was the over dose!!

 

soo much of the past sheesh!! lets talk about whats happening now!! ok ive had a bf for almost a year now, great hey..? i thought so too! but when i went to school i found out i liked my friend… i dirtly blonde haired dude named Brysen! Austin lived two hours away from me but we talked every night and just loved each other and wish to meet one day! but brysen… was different… we liked each over but we were soo shy to even ask the other out!! levi was brysen’s friend and also mine, he knew but never said a thing! sierra was my friend an also theres and she knew and was telling me to go out with him but i was too shy to ask him!!! DX now then another friend named reabeka she liked brysen too but he didnt like her one bit! (what the hell the words got big and i freakin’ cant fix it!!) now brysen liked sierra but she didnt like him! omg its a triangle of love! the point it that i love austin and even though im out of school and cant ever see brysen again i still love him and miss him!!!!! it hurts soo badly cause i know leaving brysen was great for me and austin but it brough much pain! we live in the same city but i really just want him to know my feelings for him and GAH!!! its sooo hard i cant chose and know i want to kill myself for i freakin’ cant chose and i lost my fav. dog named Shadow and my rp wolf i killed but i cant bring her back and it kills me and AHHH SOME ONE KILL ME I WANT TOO FREAKIN’ DIE RIGHT NOW!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!111

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