Life can be cruel, damn cruel

  August 27th, 2009 by therealnickz

I don’t know why I came to this website, other than to get all of my suicidal thoughts out. I have struggled with depression for a while, but lately I have felt more suicidal than depressed. I’m going to the local community college in my town. I can’t put this into words right now. Every day I’m there I feel these intense feelings come over me. I feel alone. I know I am alone, even though there are plenty of people around me. The sunshine doesn’t make me happy at all. In fact, it makes me angry and upset because the heat is so unbearable. I’m gay, but because I don’t have many friends to support me, it is hard for me to come out and live openly. The friends that I am close to are all off at college. I hate feeling like I am complaining and making a big deal, but right now I just need to put this out there.

I have a journal that I write in, and making friends is hard for me. I wanted to join the journalsim club at school, but it turns out that last year they tried to organize but only two people showed any interest. I don’t know what else to say. I’m better at expressing myself through poetry and stream of consciousness writing. One day, I want to be a writer or an English teacher. Only a week or so ago I was excited about the prospects of the future. I had a dreams and goals and even a healthy desire to live. Now I am deeply and profoundly depressed and hopeless. No dream. No goal. No life.

I need help, perhaps a therapist. I am taking medication, prescribed by psychiatrist. I’m not interested in popularity, fame, or other people’s opinion of me. I would like to move on from this and say that I survived.

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