I live my everyday with a six year old who tells me she hates me, that I disgust her and tells me how to run the household. Sounds pretty normal for dysfunction aside from the spitting, kicking, biting, screaming and rage she throws along with it. You think she sounds defiant well that doesn’t even skim the surface, this has been going on for years and I’m exhausted and just tapped out. I promised myself I would never scream at my child or spank her because I had that from my father growing up and it had lasting effects. Nothing works with her, and I have resorted to screaming back at her because this is the only way I can literally get her attention. She does not have ADD or ADHD. We’ve tried absolutely everything but nothing phases her. I hate myself because I’m no better than my father. I’m such a laid back person, and normally I’m really fun to be around. I hate fighting and all my daughter wants to do is fight. There is nothing left of me or who I used to be. My own child hates me and probably wishes I were dead everytime she says it. I just don’t understand because I show and give her so much love. I always tell myself when she says she hates me that it’s ok I have enough love for the both of us. But everytime she says it now a piece of my heart dies, and there’s really not much left. I know parenting is work, I’ve been involved with many children in my life but isn’t there still supposed to be fun? I dread waking up every morning, and most of the time fantasize about how great it would be if I didn’t. I often wonder if life for my daughter would be better if I wasn’t here. Obviously it would be devastating now, but in the long run wouldn’t she be better off than if I were to stay? I’m just an empty soul, there’s no life left in me to live anymore anyway. I’m a realist. If I have to take a pill to convince myself life is great then who’s really fooling who? Maybe this is the afterlife and I’m serving a sentence in hell. I’m sorry if I dragged anyone down, I do realize some people on this earth are still happy, I just really needed to get that out.