Everything is Different

  August 10th, 2009 by hatethisworld

I really dont know why I feel so alone…I have so many people in my life that love me very much, but I feel so alone.  Sometimes I think maybe that is the reason why I feel alone.  Life is so wierd these days.  I feel like it is all just a blur.  I stay up late and sleep in late.  I go to work and hate it.  I come home but I dont want to be here.  I use to never be like this until poof one day everything is different.  I honestly dont think that I am depressed but maybe I am… I just want everything to be normal again.  Like before my Uncle Michael killed himself.  It has been two months and it feels like I got the phone call yesterday.  I went to see him yesterday and all I could do was think of myself.  Like why did this happen to ME, and why cant I be happy.  When I really should be thinking of HIM.  The uncle who took his own life and made everyone so unhappy.  It isnt fair to anyone…why wasnt it me?  I cant help but think of the multiple times that I thought of hurting myself.  But now when I look at it it isnt fair because now I cant do it because I have seen and felt how it makes people feel.  I feel like I am rambling on about nothing but this helps me vent.  Hopefully this helps to me everything feel some what normal to me again. But will it ever be NORMAL?

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