August 2nd, 2009 by lastlogin

this is getting posted here because if any one apart from my family actualy give 2 fucks
they would find it and know who it was from. First i want to clear this up i have been a complete dick to people
that have no problem with me, i have been a dick becuase i try to impress people and try to belittle them and you
know the rest i try to fit in but it dosnt work instead of making friends i make enemies my insecurities could
destroy me in a flash i try to look “hard” by looking like i have none but i seem to have the most, i tried to
over come them but they eat me up and i take it out on people who are more well natured than me cos i seem to think
if no1 loves me then ill hate every else and i hate these thoughts. i love drink but i hate it i feel like im
something im not when im pissed but i feel like ive lost 2 or more friends every time i wake up after being in that
state and most of the times i have lost either a few mates or some trust from a few mates cos i express my real
feelings when i get pissed and even then i cant back myself up cos everyone thinks im just being druck and being a dickhead
its fucked up.My head is fucked i thought i could handle it but i couldn’t like some people said im fuckin wif
tha big boys now n i woz. My mind took too much for too long it accused and slabbered for too long and its about time
it finished. I dont know what i am but i do know what i want to be, i want to be left alone i want karma to forget
but karma never will, i deserve wot i get i deserve wot ive got i hate walking down streets i hate socialising incase
people know who i am i dont want to be remembered as a dick but i will cos ive came to far to go back . So heres
what i actaully have to say fucksake lol ano i ramble quite a bit but neways mum, dad, big bro, wee niece n tha rest
of my close family luv u all 2 bits n sorry i blocked u all out but never wanted t get you involved u all worry to much
but u have always tried your best for me and i couldn’t ask cry nor beg for better family you always made sure
i had what i wanted/needed i loved being with you all but couldnt express it i made you feel bad at times and
when you felt bad i felt worse cause i didnt mean to be like that.
2 my close m8s sorry for bottleing it up n taking it out on you many of occasions i never done it on purpose i just
didnt know how to tell you i was feeling and that i wos always jealous you seemed stronger than me, but i was
being tha dick i know that cos i couldn’t love myself so how could any1 love me i hung about with so many different crowds
to make me feel wanted but each one seen my flaws n got sick of me and i dont blame them. Every1 else see’s my problems except me
because i dont want to i am sick of this game and this bullshit world with one objective !reproduce! n u all
know thats my tohughts on life its a simulation after all we are an organism nothing else lol Im pissed at tha mo but its that only night
ive felt low enough to actually finish this pathetic shit off so before i sober up have a gud 1 hope you all
dont fall into the trap i did n dont take life too seriously cos once you do u will never get out of its grasp.

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