Is it normal to be having suicidal thoughts?
I’m 18, And I don’t think I’d act on the thoughts, But when I start to think about my future, I see me failing, And sometimes think it would be better to end things now. I want to go to school, And be able to have a future, But I’m so self conscious about my body I don’t want to go to school, Because I don’t like people seeing me like this.
My dad died when I was younger, My brother and the rest of my family dislikes me. Besides my mom, She is all I have but she is dealing with a terminal illness and the doctor said she will only have a couple years left.
Sometimes I wish I just had someone who cared enough to want to help me with my problems, And that i had someone to talk to about the suicidal thoughts I get, I sit and think of what I would do, How id do it. I don’t think I will be acting out on it anytime in the near future, Not while my mom is still around anyway.
2 comments
Gee… I feel the same exact way… I’m only fourteen and I do not see a future ahead of me. All I have planned out is to finish school to keep my mom happy, I mean she’s the only thing keeping me up as well and once she dies I know I’ll end it all there. I used to be quite depressed but somehow I was just able to put those thoughts aside and I just told myself to live life be happy or whatever and when my mom dies then I’ll follow her cause there’s no point in being gloomy all day, it doesn’t help, and so when the time comes, it comes. Until then just try to live :]
Best of luck
ps if ya want u can email me. elhombreosopuerco@yahoo.com
I can relate to your situation a lot. Whenever I try to picture myself in any career I can never imagine it, I can only ever picture myself failing miserably. I cannot find any sort of career I would want to pursue and often I don’t bother because I feel that I will just fail everything I attempt, even without trying at all.
My father passed away when I was only a baby and my mother tried to commit suicide about a month ago. I’m very close to my family yet I feel far apart from them. I’ve also had suicidal thoughts but I would never act out on it for fear of the repercussions it would cause on my immediate family. Often I wish that no one knew me so I could just do it and it wouldn’t affect anybody else. But I think this aspect has stopped me from ever considering carrying anything out.
I wish I had something to say that would magically make you feel better but all I can really suggest is if it gets worse consider maybe having a discussion with a loved one or therapist. It’s perfectly normal to have suicidal thoughts and it does not mean that you are a weak person on anything like that just because you are having them. It is common when you are feeling lost in life and unsure what direction, if any, to take. Although I do not know you personally, I can already tell that you are a nice person and I really do not wish for you to take your life away. I’m glad that you have a close relationship with your mother and I’m sorry to hear of her terminal illness.
I can relate to your self-body consciousness. Sometimes it gets so bad for me that I can’t go out if I am only wearing a t-shirt and I have to wear a jacket or a jumper and I won’t ever take it off until I’m home.
Anyway I hope that you do not do anything to harm yourself. I would really love to talk if you need to for anything, I really wish that everything can get better for you. If you want to talk about anything you can message me at fnamus@yahoo.com.
Anyway I hope I haven’t rambled on for too long and I wish you the best in your future.