For years all I’ve been wanting is to die. I never thought I’d kill myself, but I just wished that I’d get into a car accident and die. But lately I’ve just been feeling worse and worse. Today, I actually sat down and tried to decided what the best way to kill myself would be. I can’t believe I’ve got to this point.
My life isn’t bad; nothing earth shattering has ever happened to me. Except for some molestation issues when I was younger, but I barely remember it and can’t think it’s affected me all that much. I just think about my future and can’t see myself ever being happy. I don’t see anyone else being more than content with their life and I don’t think I’ll ever be at a place in my life where I’ll be happy.
I don’t see why I should have to keep living in a world that doesn’t matter. What’s going to change if I die? Nothing other than the fact that I won’t be miserable anymore. I honestly don’t think that anybody would be too affected by my death. I know people would say otherwise, though.
I hope that there is no afterlife; I just don’t want to do any sort of living anymore.
5 comments
You sound a lot like me. Nothing is really wrong in my life, I’ve just always been blah. I’m just curious if you have a hunch as to why you feel this way?
It sounds like you want a reason to live and a way to be happy, you just haven’t found it by now so you don’t see the point in trying longer for something you don’t think is going to come. I can’t do or be much for you, but what I can do is be someone who’s not connected to your every day life at all to hear you out on whatever’s going on and be a non-judgemental ear on the other side of the line. Email me anytime,
Katie
believe613@gmail.com
Hi,
I m always here to say – check whether you do not suffer from depression. By it I mean medical condition which – in short – makes you feel if not lousy – than at least empty. Parts of our brain chemistry is to say to us while doing things “this is ok, you doing fine” etc. – to reward you even for small everyday life things that normal person would not agree that s/he get some reward from doing that (like having good breakfast). But in depression nothing comes back as reward so one after some time starts to doubt “meaning” of life. This is tricky – people usually think that depression is about bad mood and often it is. But it can much more about feeling no ordinary pleasures – the condition called anhedonia and that is in long run really terrible to experience.
The cause of depression – it can be hereditary (even suicidality in part is!), it can develop after some heavy life stuff (you said you havent experienced such), whatever.
So this I would surely check with psychiatrist before getting more into suicidal cycles (suicide process even you doubt so is very scary and emotional thing for other people and also – believe that – for you. It can bring another trauma into your life).
Wish you best, Hugo
Hugo,
Hugo is my second cousin, the same name you have, but a church leader, a lawyer, decent with 3 daughters, always striving to be the best, the kind-hearted in healing and helping, but we have a bridge between while emotional issues matter.
Hugo is also the name I caught on site the first instant I googled here.
Persons sharing the same name bear a certain amount of resembling on either looks or behaviour.
Here is just a greeting or admiration from my heart.
Or just a little thing I see fit to enlarge it to be my comfort zone.
I’m losing it,
just to ensure you that there is an afterlife.
I have proofs by experiences and verifications. But still I’m a non-believer or follower of any religions.
A god or gods’ power can reside in your heart, if we are too weak to confront difficulties ourself, but we have to at the least choose sides,
that is, ourself or a god, or both.
The molesting you had in the past…did you bury the feelings inside you?? Do you feel like they’re gone (probably cause you barely remember it)? They might have taken root inside of you to make you feel suicidal. It’s hard but bringing those (thankfully dimmed) feelings out and experiencing them can help release. And I care if you die cause I’ve been hanging on and it’s hard, but if you’re gone it means another person lost the struggle…and it might happen to me. sry i guess I don’t make sense…