It’s been a while since i’ve been here….i wonder if that’s a good thing or not. Still, im glad there’s some place i can vent all of this.
Really, i don’t know what’s wrong with me. I want there to be a name for this feeling…Im not sure what i should do next.
I still cut. I don’t know why they just set it aside….im trying to ask for help, really i am. It took a lot for me to take that step and ask, but all they did is ignore it and act like it doesnt matter if i disappeared from the face of the planet. It hurts a lot and it seems that nobody understands why…they just treat me like a freak. My mom still doesn’t believe me…she just laughs at the idea. And that makes me want to cut even more…like a never ending cycle.
On the outside, i try to act like nothing’s wrong with me anymore. Like everything’s okay and i dont give a fuck about what anyone thinks. Especially when i see my ex obsessing over my best friend. I tell them it’s fine since everything we had before is done…but she was my first, and my best friend is someone i consider to be like a sister. I can’t help but feel hurt.
And the one person i could talk to…the girl i love most now…well, she’s too busy for me now, and i don’t want to hold her back. She knows i cut, and she helped me stop before. I haven’t told her i started again…Yeah. Im stupid, lying to her. She deserves better than someone like me.
But even if i can lie to her and maybe even the rest of the world, i know i can’t lie to myself. It’s still there, and it hurts more than ever now.