Lost Cause

I’m sorry you’re going through this, I wish you could sue those doctors for giving you something that messed you up so bad! Sai Chan may be right – a homeopathic doctor may be able to help you get your hormones back in balance better than a regular doctor.

My two cents? I’m guessing that there’s something else behind this – I’m wondering if you took birth control pills in order to be with someone who then rejected you, and now you feel hurt, angry and rejected.

Sorry to be so blunt, I know those are all very painful feelings. But many of us are taught to hide our feelings so well that not even *we ourselves* know what’s going on inside us.

Sometimes the trapped emotions will literally come out through our skin, or some other way like a bad back or an ulcer.

My guess is that you’re angry, but you’re taking the anger out on yourself instead of on the other person.

I’m doing a lot of guessing here from very little information, so forgive me if I’m getting it wrong.

But if you look for the underlying emotions, I think you will find why your skin is darkening: You’re angry. You need to RAGE at something or somebody, preferably whoever it is that did you wrong. It may take time to untangle all these feelings, and it will be much easier/better if you can find someone to help you figure it out, like a therapist or counselor.

Until you find a way to get the anger out, you will not heal. Holding it inside will kill you, one way or another.

It is often hard to truly face up to the underlying causes of things – we are a culture that likes a ‘quick fix’ without too much thinking involved – we want to be able to take a pill to fix anything and everything.

What you are trying to escape is painful emotions that have no outlet – you have blocked them from your conscious mind so thoroughly that you don’t even know you’re angry, or what you’re angry about!

When the people around you expect you to get over things too fast without giving you the time you need to talk about things or just simply *feel* them, sometimes a person can get ‘stuck’ with the old emotions. The emotions sometimes show up as a physical reaction of some kind, like your darkening skin.

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Forgive if I’m meddling here, but not everyone knows about chinese medicine, so I’m adding this to help you understand Sai Chan’s comments in case they don’t make sense to you. If you already know perfectly well what he’s talking about, then please ignore my comments here!

Sai Chan is talking about a traditional chinese medicine doctor like an acupuncturist or herbalist. These doctors have a system of ‘taking the pulses’ where they can feel more than one pulse on your wrist (there are some very subtle ones that a person can learn to read) that they use to diagnose what is wrong with you.

The chinese have a different way of thinking about problems like you describe – they think of the body as being ‘in balance’ or ‘out of balance’. When you have a problem, they look for what is out of balance.

So that is what Sai Chan means when he says you are ‘too hot and too wet’ – he is referring to the traditional chinese medicine way of looking at things.

look I’ve done that. reached to point were everyone in my life just seams to be talken bullshit. the point were the stuff you found beatiful just seam like nothing but awaste now.. I’ve been on the hospital bed from trieng to O.D on pain pills. and all they do is mess up your kidneys and make your life a lot worse than it currently is.. I know u feel alone but I’m just and 18 year old kid trieng to help one person a day. your not alone there’s a lot of people in the same place as you sure for differnt reasons but were all in this website.. but if you ever get to that point were u need to talk face book me. bigdamb3ar@aim.com. yeah I’m wierd.

Now I know what I did!
I apologize for any misunderstanding aroused.
And the words I said to pulling the plug was really what I felt.
But strange, I used to have the heart throbbing towards the opposite sex.
But this time to the same sex. I can only say it may be a wonder that this site has brought to me spiritually.
Again, I mean spiritually, not involving any sex.

Hi…I swear I am experiencing the same problems. I went on birth control at the end of my freshman year of college. I never went back for my sophomore year. I used to be pretty and smart and motivated…ever since I went off of it I feel ugly and passionless. I have given up on my life. I’m 20 years old and I’m out of school, sleeping all day, ignoring all of my friend’s phone calls because I feel too ugly and hopeless to experience a return to self. People in my life are telling me that this will pass-that life is long and things change and pass.
It was nice to read your entry. I’m sorry this is happening to you. It’s a major comfort knowing that I’m not alone though. I feel like I typed that paragraph myself.