This is it.

  August 27th, 2009 by peterjames711

I’ve had it with life. I’ve tried and tried to make it work but time and time again, it’s failed me. It’s taken me almost 6 years to graduate college, I have A.d.d, I have a father whom is almost never around and when he is, he’s nothing more than an arrogant asshole. He thinks he can just buy my affection because he’s an executive. Well he’s wrong. My mother suffers from a severe anxiety disorder and is constantly taking it out on me and my sisters. I am broke with no job, no girlfriend. My 17yr old sister has more money than I do and I’m 23. My sister who is 21 is going to graduate at the same time I do. My degree is communications and my dad doesn’t understand what that even is. He doesn’t care. My parents see me as some expensive burden on the family and bestow slim to no trust in me. I went to bed tonight at 8:30pm, I haven’t done that since I was little. I’ve been on anti-depressants for longer than I can remember. I didn’t even talk to my family today. The only things my parents said to me were in the form of yelling. I’ve been made fun of my whole life. I rarely see my relatives. I don’t see a future for me. My parents aren’t even helping to guide me and I don’t have an older sibling to mentor me. My friends are all going out partying and I wanna be with them but I can’t because I’m broke. They keep calling and I keep having to disappoint them. There’s a word that suits me perfectly…disappointment. Over this summer, my mother’s closest friend’s son committed suicide due to depression and I’m about to follow in his footsteps if something doesn’t go right for me soon. I just can’t take it anymore. I have a blind dog whom I love the most in this world and he’s the only one who’s getting me through. I’m too afraid to go to my friends because of what they might think. My parents don’t get it and don’t think I have an issue. I’ve never cut myself or anything like that. I’m ready to skip that phase and just blow my brains out and put this anguish and pain to a final close.

Someone help me…

– peter

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