I’ve had it with life. I’ve tried and tried to make it work but time and time again, it’s failed me. It’s taken me almost 6 years to graduate college, I have A.d.d, I have a father whom is almost never around and when he is, he’s nothing more than an arrogant asshole. He thinks he can just buy my affection because he’s an executive. Well he’s wrong. My mother suffers from a severe anxiety disorder and is constantly taking it out on me and my sisters. I am broke with no job, no girlfriend. My 17yr old sister has more money than I do and I’m 23. My sister who is 21 is going to graduate at the same time I do. My degree is communications and my dad doesn’t understand what that even is. He doesn’t care. My parents see me as some expensive burden on the family and bestow slim to no trust in me. I went to bed tonight at 8:30pm, I haven’t done that since I was little. I’ve been on anti-depressants for longer than I can remember. I didn’t even talk to my family today. The only things my parents said to me were in the form of yelling. I’ve been made fun of my whole life. I rarely see my relatives. I don’t see a future for me. My parents aren’t even helping to guide me and I don’t have an older sibling to mentor me. My friends are all going out partying and I wanna be with them but I can’t because I’m broke. They keep calling and I keep having to disappoint them. There’s a word that suits me perfectly…disappointment. Over this summer, my mother’s closest friend’s son committed suicide due to depression and I’m about to follow in his footsteps if something doesn’t go right for me soon. I just can’t take it anymore. I have a blind dog whom I love the most in this world and he’s the only one who’s getting me through. I’m too afraid to go to my friends because of what they might think. My parents don’t get it and don’t think I have an issue. I’ve never cut myself or anything like that. I’m ready to skip that phase and just blow my brains out and put this anguish and pain to a final close.
Someone help me…
– peter
4 comments
Peter,
Behaviour in a family is contagious.
Change yourself first.
Learn it while you are outside.
When you are outside on a bus sitting with discomfort of smell you dislike, then leave the seat, and even be an outstanding guy that everybody may focus on you. Or you can say nice words while leaving the seat saying ‘seems like there are lice biting’
Someone may antagonize you. You can just say sorry and leave the scene without thinking too much of injustice.
Battles can happen everyday. Don’t make battles. Avoid any unnecessary battles. Not that you are weak, but not to let the hate has a chance to get through to you.
After you’ve learned that, you can teach your parents too.
Help yourself so that you can help your family.
If you don’t have money, can you lower yourself just to work in McDonald? Just for moneywise. Or better as thinking as a
hunting ground for girls and a learning ground of the social behaviour.
ADD–Attention-deficit hyperactivity disorder
I believe it is a disorder created by the parents.
Some case may just be a shifting of love to the younger child.
Some child may attack the bad parent that causing his ill feeling.
Some child develop severe skin problem.
And I don’t believe the western medicine can help.
Because the poisons has set up in the body by long term of depression. Various drugs should be used for various areas.
And emotionally, the hate in the mind has to be dissolved, both in parents and yourself.
Are you ok peter? I mean you didn’t do anything since you posted this? I just found this site on a whim…I felt like fucking destroying myself earlier and googled suicide just so I wouldn’t have to do it cos I hadn’t the balls. Your story just struck me, I dunno why, please be ok
Everything sucks brother.. thats just the way it is. If you aren’t a lookalike of Brad Pitt and have lots of money, nobody cares about what you are doing.
Peter,
If it’s any consolation, I’m in an eerily similar nightmare. I hope that some element of your scenario has improved since you posted, but I know too well how difficult it is to make changes when entrenched in that environment. I have no answers for you, but I CAN tell you I’m sorry you’re experiencing the hell that occurs when the scales are disproportionately tipped towards suffering; when joy, pleasure, and peace are scarce or nonexistent. I’m just…sorry. 🙁 I wouldn’t wish this degree of suffering on anyone, the suffering I hear in your post that echoes my own. Anyway, take care of yourself as best you can under the circumstances. Sounds like everybody else has too many of their own issues to be nurturing or loving towards you, which is what you need most. It’s a really messed-up situation. And I’m rambling. Hope you’re all right.