I am a shy eighteen year old girl, and have been a victim of bullying for the past nine years.
It first started when I was in the 5th grade and had moved to a new school.Â I was allocated a new friend to help me find my feet, but instead I had someone who would emotionally abuse me for the next three years.Â I told my mom in the 7th grade – she said she was mad at my “friend”, but she never did anything about it.Â All she could say was, “It’s a phase; it’ll pass.”Â I never told her about the other girl who had shoved my head down the toilet countless times, since it was a “phase”, right?
In the 8th grade, I moved to a new school.Â New beginnings, I said.Â I ended up being bullied there as well.Â This group of girls would pull up my skirt and play with my underwear in public.Â In the 9th grade, this new group of girls arrived.Â For some reason, they had it for me since the first day they saw me; they tormented me for the next four years.Â I told my friend; she called me a wimp.Â In the 11th grade, it grew worse and I started losing weight and became suicidal.Â I was sent to a psychiatrist, but only because they thought I had an eating disorder.Â When it was established that I didn’t, I ceased having sessions with her.Â I didn’t tell her about the suicide because I hate being a burden to other people.
In 12th grade, these other three girls nearly pushed me to the limit.Â I started cutting, but I didn’t attempt suicide, only because it was my final year in high school and I believed I would have a brand new start in college.Â I told my mother how unhappy I was (but not the suicidal part – I figured she’d figure it out herself, since she’s a psychologist). She said “It’s a phase; it’ll pass.”
This year I started attending college.Â I am being bullied again.Â There’s are two groups of guys who put me down constantly, another three groups of guys at our residence who never pass up a chance to make fun of me, my roomate and her friends insult me in their language (which they don’t know I understand) and two more groups of girls who just hate me.
My mom keeps saying “it’s a phase; it’ll pass”, but to me it doesn’t feel that way.Â All I ever did was be nice to people (even the ones who have been mean to me), help them when I can, keep quiet and mind my own business… but all I ever got in return was bitchiness, snide comments etc.Â With this much bullying experience, one could say I should have developed a tough skin by now.Â I should have, but everytime a new person starts bullying me, all the scars of the past just open up.Â In a way I can take it… but I just don’t want to anymore.
It’s not a phase, and it’s never going to pass.