October 15th, 2009 by justme

today I was washing the floors and I was filling the bucket up in the sink. It was heavy and I lost my balance as I lifted it out of the sink and fell. I stepped on the kitten. It was the sweetest little thing and had only just learned to walk this past week and it had followed me into the kitchen. I stepped on it and then fell on it. I killed it. It was an accident that I feel horrible for and I didn’t do it on purpose. I guess I could have dealt with it. What just made me give up is that I live alone. I looked at my phone to call someone, anyone, to reach out and realised that of the 60 people in my phone book I really am not close enough to anyone to call crying. Then I sat at the computer and went from website to website. Twitter, 147 people and no one I actually know, myspace 35 people and no one I felt close enough to dump on, facebook 40 people….same thing. No neighbor. I guess I could go to the local bar and dump on the bartender. How did it come down to this where I’m not close enough to anyone. Theres no one in my family that I felt I could just call up and cry at, no close friends. No anonymous ones. People read my crap because its funny. They never want to hear the sad crap. I’m a lonely clown. I’d go out and dangle from the freeway overpass but the only thing that stops me is there also isn’t anyone who will feed the cat and her other kitten.

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