today I was washing the floors and I was filling the bucket up in the sink. It was heavy and I lost my balance as I lifted it out of the sink and fell. I stepped on the kitten. It was the sweetest little thing and had only just learned to walk this past week and it had followed me into the kitchen. I stepped on it and then fell on it. I killed it. It was an accident that I feel horrible for and I didn’t do it on purpose. I guess I could have dealt with it. What just made me give up is that I live alone. I looked at my phone to call someone, anyone, to reach out and realised that of the 60 people in my phone book I really am not close enough to anyone to call crying. Then I sat at the computer and went from website to website. Twitter, 147 people and no one I actually know, myspace 35 people and no one I felt close enough to dump on, facebook 40 people….same thing. No neighbor. I guess I could go to the local bar and dump on the bartender. How did it come down to this where I’m not close enough to anyone. Theres no one in my family that I felt I could just call up and cry at, no close friends. No anonymous ones. People read my crap because its funny. They never want to hear the sad crap. I’m a lonely clown. I’d go out and dangle from the freeway overpass but the only thing that stops me is there also isn’t anyone who will feed the cat and her other kitten.
2 comments
I’m sorry sweetie, all cats go to heaven, it was an accident! Please forgive yourself, the kitten knows you loved it. I know how you feel about no true/close friends. I don’t have myspace or facebook, because everybody was fake to me and no real friends because they are not in my life around me. I don’t know how to make you feel better, I go to work and I have 2 cats who I think about at work and can’t wait to come home to, Nick comes running to the door meowing cuz he is so happy I’m home, animals are the best for healing cuz they give you unconditional love with no judgement. One day at a time, sweetie!!
thestandard.com.hk/news_detail.asp?we_cat=11&art_id=89227&sid=25710727&con_type=3&d_str=20091015&fc=10
(add the necessary symbols and the 3w)
The mother killed her 2 children but have survived herself. How on earth can she deal with it throughout her life?
There were courses in life, we took, but have to learn along the way. What’s done is done. The next step is to better ourself.
No matter it’s a cat or human life that we took, we have to learn from the vanish of this precious life.
Left to mourn, to cry, to suicide, we will only mark its death as trash.
The death is best served as a signal that something hidden in us is very wrong and these are problems that we didn’t face at the best as we could that caused the outcome.
The death is like the onlooker now, watching you to improve, at your best.
Its nothingness, is your time to think, there are big problems in your life, you have to make the dead worthwhile, by zealously engaging in something totally different, in order to construct something positive.
If you continue to do something stupid, then you are treating its sacrificing death as trash.
You can only rest the kitten’s soul and yours, by having a good change!
Everbody has problems. And you have your own. But you know it damn well what it is.
Just matters if you want to change or not.