October 26th, 2009 by jf79

Not really good at this,  never posted anything on the internet before.   Hmmmm, I am not a teenager,  desperately poor,  medically uncomfortable or in any way outside of normal.   I have a career, a beutiful daughter and a wife that wants to be with me.  There has always been something there, and i cant explain it.  It won’t go away.  It is an expression of anger, mistrust, and fuzzy grey whiteness that will not go away.  On the outside I am sociable, happy, a people person.  On the inside I hate myself for not being the real thing, and the worst part is not being able to fix it, or explain it.  You would think that someone with 12 years in the Marines would be able to adjust himself internally, you would be wrong.  I feel like my time is coming, part of me is happy for that, part of me is anxious and a little frightened.   We shall see.

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