If u dont know what is happenin 2 me just read the post Help Me! But i have got a really fucked up choice 2 make. I have missed school because i am depressed….but not just a few days, months at a time. I lied and made it sound like i had IBS, but now they are goin 2 do tests on me in 3 days. I no that the results r gunna show no trace of IBS, so my parents r probably gunna freak out, and if they find out that i missed school cuz i am depressed i am probably going 2 get shot by them. So the way i see things is i got 3 choices:
1. end my life now and put a bullet through my head
2. run away and try 2 make a livin in sum alley
3. chance it and take the tests and see what happens when they find out that i dont have IBS
I am really dont no wut 2 do right now. I am thinkin bout eatin a bunch of greasy food 2 get my stomach messed up before the tests so it may seem like i have IBS, but killin myself does seem pretty good right bout now. It is not like i have any potential in life 2 do sumptin good, so far i have failed my first semester at school. So if i take the tests and my parents dont kill me i will still have a shitty life. The only reason i am living is cuz of my friends, but i really have stopped carin bout wut will hapen 2 them if i kill myself. My depression is even getting worse, and i think i might even be goin crazy right now. I am even startin 2 hallucinate things, but i did find out that you can start 2 hallucinate things cuz of depression. But still, i think that i may be loosin my mind. I am starting 2 get really pissed of if even the slightest thing goes wrong or if sumone does sumpting slightly wrong 2 me. I do have thoughts bout killin my parents sumtimes, and if i wanted 2 kill sumone, i can do it with ease unless they got a gun or knife. Im 6’3″ as strong or even stronger than most adults and have dun martial arts since i wuz 5. So, if i am goin crazy i dont wanna end up hurtin sumone. I just dont know wut 2 do anymore. Why am i such a fuck up?!
5 comments
dude were kids we fuck up. we have to get up and face the world. so what you piss of your parents you fail a semester of school. you have your whole life ahead of you. trust me its not as easy as you think to pull that trigger. people can help you. people go to school for years to help people like us. you can get through this and besides if your parents realize how much your depression has affected you they will want to help you. your parents love you. they wouldn’t kill you. my emails Robert.monwell@gmail.com if you want to talk.
I don’t think you are a fuck up, you are just going through a hard time right now, just because you fail the IBS test doesn’t mean you didn’t have it in the first place, I don’t think they can prove that you didn’t have it, you just got better right? Anyway you can still make it through school, just think what are you going to do if you drop out? in a couple of months you will wish you stayed in. If you don’t like your classes, maybe you can change them if the credits are the same. You are still young, you can alter your future with just simple steps. I don’t know how to make you feel better, I never feel good myself, I should be telling myself to help myself, its just easier to try to help others than myself.
PLEASE don’t hurt urself. I know I am just a stranger asking you – but there are people in this world that actually NEED you… (even if you don’t know who they are)
You are so special and wonderful. Ur parents are fuckin crazy if they can’t see that. But I do.
I will get u thru this
just send me an email saying ‘hi’
bradleybills@gmail.com
Monwell, i guess that you didnt read my other post. I have been depressed for 6 years so far. I may eat a piece of bread or maybe a cracker or 2 every 4 to 5 days. I cant sleep anymore, the only time that i can sleep is when i actually pass out from exausion. Right now i have been awake for around 40 hours straight. I cant hardly do anything that involves much thinking because i am preocupied with thinking bout killing myself every second of my life. And yea, it actually isnt that hard for me 2 pull the trigger. I have put a loaded gun 2 my head many times, and the 1 time that i actually pulled the trigger i found out that i forgot 2 put a bullet in the chamber. All i do anymore is sit in a dark room listinin 2 music while thinking about killing myself. And trust me, my parents would kill me. They care bout my education a lot, and if they figured out that i was faking a disease cuz i wuz depressed i have no doubt in my mind that they would try 2 kill me. And now i am on a homeschool program for the next 9 weeks, and every day i am home by myself in a house with guns everywhere. I have already written a suicide note, so if i just all of a sudden decide 2 kill myself,i can.
I don’t know about the whole IBS issue, but I think you should tell someone you were lying before all that money is spent on tests you don’t need. If you sit your parents down and tell them what’s going on, you might be surprised at their reactions. I have a teenager myself and I would be devastated if he was so depressed he couldn’t get up and go to school.
If your parents have insurance, they can find a professional for you to talk to. If your family is low income, they can find some services through the health department. Having hallucinations is NOT a good thing and you really do need help. Thinking of hurting yourself is bad enough, but when you talk about hurting other innocent people then it’s really a public safety issue.
Why don’t you try to sit your parents down – or at least one of them you feel most comfortable with and tell them how you are feeling. They are your parents and they deserve to know how distraught you are. I wish you the best.