A Little Hope

October 23rd, 2009by El Loco

I can empathize with many of the stories that I have read on here. I have battled depression for more than 6 years and I am a suicide survivor. Depression is a serious disease! Depression is not the same thing as getting sad after a bad experience such as losing a loved one or even a job. While the pain from losing a loved one is great you will eventually move on. Thats not the case with depression. This condition takes over every facet of your life. Although negative experiences will intensify it I do not believe that they are the cause. Its a biological thing. I remember being extremely sad and anxious even when I knew that things were good. I didnt know why I felt that way. Everyday was a battle. Towards the end I couldnt focus on school despite my best efforts. I felt hopeless and worthless. I was spending 60+ hours a week at school but my grades were still mediocre. I saw my friends and classmates excelling and I didnt understand why I couldnt do the same. I started to believe that it was my fault. That I was lazy and stupid. I believed that it was all in my head. One day when I was in my math class I had a panic atack when I saw the study guide for the final test. It all looked like hyerglyphs! I decided that I was never going to amount to anything in this life so i attempted to end my own life.
Now looking back I know that it wasnt my fault. You are not stupid and this is not a character flaw!

Ignorant people will tell you that its “all in your head” and to just “snap out of it.” But its not that easy. After my suicide attempt not only did I have to deal with my depression but also hurtful comments from family and friends. My suggestion to you is to distance yourself from negative people until you are a bit stronger. What they dont realize is that its the very stigma of suicide and depression that keep people from getting help in the first place. Society teaches us that depressed people are weak minded and that suicidal people are selfish cowards. They will make statements like “just think positively.” Not realizing that no one wants to feel sad all the time. Its not something you can will away. Depression by its very nature is the inability to think positively.

In closing I will tell you that although depression is a terrible experience there is hope. With meds therapy and a strong support system you can make it thru this! 🙂 It worked for me. If you can survive this then there is nothing that you cant handle. You will come out stronger than you can posibbly imagine.

-Dani

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