At the moment I am contemplating ending this. I even called the suicide line…was on hold for 5 minutes before hanging up after listening to a machine, what a crock that is. I am bipolar and have extreme depression swings even for being bipolar(this has been told to me by several doctors now). When I’m manic I’m more or less ok, but over the past few years my manic swings are getting shorter and less frequent, from what I’ve read most of you are teenagers, I am not. Through my life I should have died naturally more or less about 10-12 times, from electrocution (3 times) broken neck, I have fallen off buildings and even cliffs from broken support lines, had major arteries lacerated through mechanical failures, even had a drilling pipe hit my head with the force of a semi-truck driving 35 mph. Those are just some that weren’t my own attempts, my nickname from family is the alien because doctors can’t explain my surviving any of it. My own attempts were as successful (of course) all involving massive overdoses of different drugs. All those ever did was make me loose control of myself, one time even putting police officers and paramedics in the hospital. I don’t want to do this again, at the same time I just want everything to end, I don’t care about relieving the pain or any of that, I know that killing myself wont make everything better. It will however release the burden of me for my family. The only real reason I’m not dead now is because I can’t figure out a surefire way to end it short of a bullet to the brain which is currently unavailable to me. I’m not even sure why I wrote this rant looking at it now just seems like I want sympathy or something, which I don’t.