i did it again

well i jus got home and made my mom burst into tears within minutes of walking in the door. a disappointment. i am a worn and torn suitcase….i carry lies, drugs, sex, violence, and far worse with in me. no one want to own a worn and torn suitcase…they want the brand new ones. my whole family sees me as a fuck up. my dad doesn’t even tell me anything that will cheer me up anymore. i used to run to him and he always had my back….not anymore. this man doesnt believe in me, my mom  ois in her room crying and i hope she doesnt barge in here and kick me out. im so scared. i want to go under a rock….a heavy rock…the kinds that falls on you and flattens you like in a cartoon….i hear her…right now…she is balling cause she found out i am still doing drugs…….she said if i wanna kill her why dont i take a gun and shoot her…..im thinking i should take a gun and shoot myself…..ask me what im tryin to do….im tryin to go to the club and get away from all this embarrassment…..i smoke weed and its so hard for me to stop. i just dont know what to do with myself anymore…. everyone hates me and everyone now knows i fucked up. jus as i do everything else……im the only girl and the only problem…..i know sometimes she probably regrets having me cause i cause her so much pain. im sorry….really i am. im addicted to weed and its hard to stop. i dont wanna be here. i really truly dont. i kid myself. now she on the phone callin the whole family to let them know her daughter is on drugs. how great.i am a reject in some ways…….i hate to say that about myself but i have no choice…..now she has passed the crying and is starting to call me names…a bum….*****…..the ususal. i jus gotta get outta here. pop off dance get high…whooopty fucking dooo.