i don’t know what to do.

I’m feeling a bit hopeless right now, I don’t know what to do anymore. I’m depressed a lot and I’ve been thinking about suicide lately, I just don’t feel like life is worth it anymore. I love my family and I think they’re the only reason I haven’t killed myself yet. I’m always faking a smile, I just feel so screwed up lately. I had an easy life I guess it was just filled with a lot of pain and distrust, I can’t trust anyone because of what happened to me when I was younger. Now, I wasn’t raped or molested or anything, but my family hasn’t always been the best family in the world. While I know I’m not the only one who has gone through things like this, it doesn’t change the fact that it still hurts. I have a lot of pent up anger and bitterness that I can’t get rid of and it’s weighing down on me heavily. I can’t talk to anyone because I don’t know who my real friends are and my family just doesn’t understand. I’m hoping someone here can help me before I decided that I just can’t take it anymore. I don’t want to put my family through that pain but I don’t want to hurt anymore. What’s the point of existing when you don’t even feel like you’re existing?