I thought I was the only one…

October 28th, 2009by brad90210

I am a 25 year old guy living in California. I’ve had suicidal thoughts for as long as I can remember. As time goes on, the thoughts have increased in frequency. I feel like I’m trapped… Like there is no way out.
There are a lot of people in the world that would like my life… why don’t I?
I should be grateful for this life… but I’m not.
I think about buying a gun, and going somewhere far away from people and ending it. But my inner voice tells me that this isn’t the time; I still have things to do on Earth.
wtf do I have to do that is so important? I sit around in my bedroom all day.
I can’t imagine a life more horrible than mine.
I am a guy who fell in love with another guy… and it turned out that the other guy did nothing but say nasty things about me– to a lot of people. He LIED like there was no tomorrow. He hurt me more than anyone has ever hurt me before..
I worked a wonderful office job for almost 5 years, and some nasty ***** came in and slept with the CEO of the company… and I was ‘let go’ —- so now, I am on unemployment, have zero friends, and feel like there is no point for me to live. Each day seems worse the the day before.
I do get 1 or 2 happy days per month… right now, that’s the only thing I am livin’ for… those 1 or 2 days I feel normal.
The depression always comes back tho… It never leaves me.
What the fuck did I do to deserve this?!
I feel like I am being punished for living.
It’s a feeling I don’t want to feel anymore.
I don’t know how I can make in another week, month, year, decade…
I just wanna live life feeling good, or stop living all together.

My prayers go out to everyone on this website, and everyone on earth who feels this way.

-Brad, 25
California

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