I am a 25 year old guy living in California. I’ve had suicidal thoughts for as long as I can remember. As time goes on, the thoughts have increased in frequency. I feel like I’m trapped… Like there is no way out.
There are a lot of people in the world that would like my life… why don’t I?
I should be grateful for this life… but I’m not.
I think about buying a gun, and going somewhere far away from people and ending it. But my inner voice tells me that this isn’t the time; I still have things to do on Earth.
wtf do I have to do that is so important? I sit around in my bedroom all day.
I can’t imagine a life more horrible than mine.
I am a guy who fell in love with another guy… and it turned out that the other guy did nothing but say nasty things about me– to a lot of people. He LIED like there was no tomorrow. He hurt me more than anyone has ever hurt me before..
I worked a wonderful office job for almost 5 years, and some nasty ***** came in and slept with the CEO of the company… and I was ‘let go’ —- so now, I am on unemployment, have zero friends, and feel like there is no point for me to live. Each day seems worse the the day before.
I do get 1 or 2 happy days per month… right now, that’s the only thing I am livin’ for… those 1 or 2 days I feel normal.
The depression always comes back tho… It never leaves me.
What the fuck did I do to deserve this?!
I feel like I am being punished for living.
It’s a feeling I don’t want to feel anymore.
I don’t know how I can make in another week, month, year, decade…
I just wanna live life feeling good, or stop living all together.
My prayers go out to everyone on this website, and everyone on earth who feels this way.
-Brad, 25
California
2 comments
I feel really sorry for u, things like that shouldnt happen to anyone. But if you want some friends you can try going to a gym if you dont already. Just look around there and see if you can find if sumone that is benchin without a spotter and just ask if they would like any help. If they do just introduce yourself and start to talk bout sumpthin that you think that he will be interested in, even other excersises. Although, if you cant find anyone there 2 talk 2, workin out is actucally enjoyable. You might even look forward to it. Workin out is one thing that i do besides sittin in a dark room thinkin bout killin myself.
Please email me. We have a lot in common and i’d like to talk with you..
JordanJennifer118@gmail.com