Everything seems so pointless to me. I’m endlessly depressed, due to a huge variety of medical conditions, and nothing has ever been able to stop that. I feel completely overwhelmed and can barely control my own life. I know mentally that the problems that I am facing are not even a fraction as bad as the vast majority of other people who post on this blog, but that really doesn’t register for me. Life seems so pointless. Economically speaking even: http://www.slate.com/id/2090424/
Really, I know that I have pretty much nothing bad about my life. Many would even call it idyllic. But life doesn’t seem worth living. And I know that my eternal depression is due to my medical conditions, but so what? It’s still there and nothing has ever been able to make it go away. I have no real friends. Really, I’d have to say idyllic but completely 100% empty. I have no religion and want none, so even that is a void. I guess you might say that my depression is mostly due to my illness, but as much due to an Amerian (not American) view to life.
How’s this sound- duct tape over my nose, overdose on the huge pharmacy that I have in the cabinet, and throw in a little alchol and bleach. Before I fall asleep or go into a coma or whatever, a put some duct tape over my mouth. Maybe I won’t throw up then and ruin the whole thing.
Please don’t tell me not to try. With my illness- it’s inevitable. If you’re curious, it’s epilepsy.
3 comments
I understand. I want to tell you to keep hoping. Your life is valueable.
I wish I felt the same about myslef.
I wouldn’t tell you not to try or to try, your life is your own business and therefore I can’t tell you what you should or shouldn’t do with it…
life is pointless and that’s a fact that I live with everyday and it doesn’t bother me at all, of course it did a lot, but now I don’t really pay attention to that I just tell myself, “who cares? we’ll all die in the end! so I’ll do what I want!” since I’m atheist too…
but just a question, if you’re still around, can you tell us more about epilepsy? because I’m googling but I’m not getting much results about it, so it would be nice if you could tell me more about it,
you could e-mail me of course if you like
SuicideSeasonProject@live.com
thanks for reading..
Epilepsy is a seizure disorder. I used to have regular seizures, several times day, but medicine and several brain surgeries stopped that and made my depression hugely worse. With the seizures that I had I would be unable to talk, get dizzy, and never recognize anyone, get numb, and I still havew some where I fall asleep in the middle of the day. It’s just the brain sending out too many messages and screwing things up in general.