The only reason that I’m still alive and able to write this is because I’m not ready to inflict such upset and pain on my loved ones.
Over the years I have seen too many relatives and close friends suffer lengthy, painful and undignified deaths. Following the death of my mother several years ago I determined that it would not be like this for me and made plans for my own suicide, I have chosen the place and method, aquired the means, just the time remains to be decided. This was to be when either I was no longer able to live with dignity or any pain became unbearable. However as the years have passed and as I approach 60 I find that I am unable to do things I used to take for granted, I can no longer run like I used to, climb steep hills for pleasure, play football, my eyesight is failing, random aches and pains occur almost daily. I am getting old and my body is starting to break down. I feel that I am rapidly accelerating towards a black hole of oblivion and with this in mind I now wish to die as soon as is possible, if I can’t live the full life I enjoy so much then I do not wish to live at all.
All that remains is to explain to those that matter the reasons for my decision, to persuade them that it should be more of a celebration of what I have achieved rather than sorrow at losing me.