lost….

  October 7th, 2009 by xbrokenheartx

i moved from north dakota to south dakota back in may i had to break up with my boyfriend that i have been with for like a year.. that was really hard.. i had to leave all my friends behind… I started this school new school my junior year i am 17.  i have tried to make new friends but no one will even talk to me they call me that new girl.. all my friends from north dakota stabbed me in the back they all started calling me a whore and i thought they were my friends i told them everything but i can tell you one thing i am not a whore… so right now i have no friends that i can trust i guess i just need a friend to talk to…  someone who understands i cut myself when i get really upset i have tried to kill myself but was to scared i have drove my car in a sign going about 95 mph but that didn’t work.. maybe i was ment to live?? but why i dont have a job i had to quite my job from north dakota because i had to move.. i have been looking for a job here i have filled out job applications but no phone calls or anything..  i lived on an air base my whole life so i would make a friend and he/she would just leave from 4 months to 3 years. so i have never known someone that would be there for me my whole life. i tried to keep in contact with them but its just so hard because they move all over the world and i get made fun of for that known as the military brat but im a really nice girl.. i am usually not this open i am a shy girl that keeps everything inside but i talk to people when they talk to me to be nice. there are rumors going around about me at the new school saying that im an emo girl that cuts herself but they dont understand the pain i am going through right now. ( this may not make sense but i just needed someway to get this out and i thought this would be the only way because i can’t talk to anyone about my feelings its just not me.. but i want someone to listen to me and try to understand. and maybe try to help or at least be my friend) i quit smoking drinking drugs and pill popping after i moved because i thought there would be no point for that crap now… but i really want to go back because it kept me calm and relaxed…

someone please if you understand any of this i need help.. i just dont no what to do… i feel like there is nothing to live for i can’t get a job i can’t make any friends my parents don’t really like me.. my dad isn’t scared to hit me and my mom yells at me for everything i respect my parents a lot they just dont get it.. i help around the house i try to make them happy but all they do is yell at me not my other sisters just me because i am the oldest and i should be more responsible i am sick of getting in trouble all the time….

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