lost….

Hello xbrokenheartx from miles and miles away. We dont know each other, we read and write from our isolations aside from the world out there. I know that what I tell you, may not make you feel better, because one feels one way and it is hard to not let that happen. I understand you because I hate when someone trivializes my situation or pretends to tell me that i will find another girl or another job. No! i hate it, i become furious when they say that to me, because if i am devastated and depressed and i want to not be here is because what i had was very valuable and it is not possible to replace it in life like replacing a part of my car. ! but I am 46. and i have very few choices. That is my case.

However, your figures look quite diferent, it is not a four, but a 1, it is not 47 but 17

Even knowing that you feel depressed, sad, want to stay in your room for days, watch tv or write, drink or whatever, yes because it is natural to feel like that when you move to another place leaving everything behind. Yes, you feel that and it is quite natural. You miss your green grass of home, some friends maybe, some memories. This relocating thing is very anglosaxon and i say it is horrible because one unrootens him/herself from its place of belonging. In any case, being 17 all options are open. Take it as a break, even if you study there and one year in Europe too. Your options remain available.

Keep what you love inside you and have it as a companion. Then having that, now everything works on your side, and even if you want to stay depressed for long, you will not be able. Why? because the cause of your depression is not a permanent thing, and even when the cause is permanent say, like being blind, or deaf, or handicaped, the individual, to some degree adapts to it, yes, to some degree.

What is going to happen is that little things that you do here and there, even if they are simple like the guy at the grocery store who has a short chat with you, or the woman walking 5 golden retriever which makes for a fun sight, or that guy that all of a sudden you like, or those little children who you can help here and there, everything works on your side to dilute the depression with other input from the life around you.

You can design your life at will, what you want to become, who you want to marry, how many kids you want to have, whether you want to study one year in France, whatever. You can do whatever you want.
You can choose your friends and refuse others.
Many of us cant.
You can open up a book of countries and read about them and decide which one you would like to visit, to live in, to work in or to study in. The whole spectrum of choices in life is open to you. You can choose anything.

I dont know what I would give to be 17 now and be able to better draw my life on a sheet of paper.
Yes, it is true, it is very difficult to find trustworthy people with a good heart. It is hard, but there are some around, you can bet, and at the end of the day, all you need is a couple of good people around.
You will need a little bit of discipline to stay away from drugs. Discipline is good, not too much of it, but a little bit is quite healthy. I know all about that, when one is depressed, all what one would want would be to be passed out all day long.

As per your parents. My heart bleeds because it shatters me how they can be cruel to a girl. Now you are away from them. All you need to do is just draw your wishes on a piece of paper situating each at a different stage of your life. If you have that global vision into the future, you will realize that the confined focus on to the moment of today with your circumstances of a broken up relationship is meaningless in the long run.

I mean, if you realize, you have a beautiful sensitivity, and that is a good asset to find a right partner. When you have a right partner, your life experiences a huge push up, in all senses, when you are a couple, you plan together, make together and share everything. Yes, it will take its
time, but I am so certain that is going to happen that I will be awaiting someday you tell me.

As per your job. Oh come one, you are down because at the age of 17 they dont call you? that is completely irrelevant and has no influence in your life in the long run even if the guys at the Temp or Fried Chicken dont ring. If you were 46, with kids and without a job in Europe, that would be a completely different story. I dont have kids, but that is just as bad.

But regardless of yes, the suffering that you are going through now, you are seen from above, a case of success.

I wish I were 17. I wish I were.

I was not trying to find the words to make you feel better, i was writing how i wished i could be on your shoes and plan my life