I wrote this four days ago.
……………….I’m not sure why I have let myself be trapped in this horrible body for so long. Maybe I just need to let go of those small emotional attachments so I can finally get out of this body. I’ve said before that I am not ugly, this is actually not true, I was being nice/lying to myself. I am ugly in many physical ways. My huge head and fat face, my small hands and arms, my awkwardly broad frame, my terrible skin, my stupid stupid sounding voice (my voice makes me sound like a total fucking idiot who is being jerk even though I don’t mean to come across that way) and of course, my small and irregular genitals. I am sure I (my soul/spirit) was not meant to be in this body, this is a mismatch. I do think I am supposed to be male and white but beyond that its all wrong. It seems that my body is like this to impede my greatest human need/desire of needing love from any girl that I might want that from/want to love. On somewhat of a side note: do you women know or even care how much pain it causes someone like me when you make comments about liking ‘big ol magnum dicks’ or liking larger penises at all or negative comments or jokes about small penises? It feels like (without any exaggeration) a knife just got shoved right in the middle of my chest. I actually feel it and it hurts. Its been so long since I had any affection from a girl that I can’t even remember what its like to touch one. I can’t believe I have allowed myself to stay in this body for so long. It never stops hurting, it only sometimes somewhat subsides for short periods of time here and there only to come back strong. Its becoming more and more difficult to keep my composure in front of others, I have to isolate myself often so they don’t see because I don’t want any attention like: “whats wrong with you?” me: “oh you know, I am ugly as shit and have a small irregular penis and I can not be truly be loved and I can’t stop thinking more and more seriously about leaving this body.” Yeah, right there is no way I could ever actually tell someone that I plan on killing myself/shutting this body down. People who want to die just get called cowards and weak. So I’m not going to ever actually talk to someone in person about this because no one likes someone who is never in a good mood and talks about killing themselves. I also can’t trust anyone enough to talk about this stuff anyway. Also, they would not even know what to say because it is apparent that my problems can not be changed as long as I remain in this body. I am absolutely convinced that as long as I am stuck in this inadequate shell, I will never get the monogamous love that I need.
End.
On top of all of this it seems my dog will no longer be living with me because of reasons that are out of my control. He is the only being who shows me unconditional love. Now I have nothing.
2 comments
Most of our problems are really like you told. It’s not possible to solve them…..
In the same time I would say that most of our problems are wrongly understood by ourselves and this is why they seem to be unsolvebly. I can’t tell you are ugly, because I’ve never seen you. Besides, I’m gay and I prefer small dicks to …. (well, I’m sure you’re not interested)
But I would actually tell you that your problem has nothing to do with beauty. I just think it’s about discrimination. But you feel so upset that even the most ugly person you know seems respectly nice for you. Yes, beauty is so fucking important that you could discriminate and kill yourself for this.
Have you ever imagined if you would have been born in the body of Matt Damon? Well, it’s not about what you would do with the girls, but how would you treat very ugly people like you describe yourself???
I understand that on the other hand, some people may treat “ugly” people very badly. But we all know how stupid are some people on the society. We all know how people can be very bad to us.
If you cry because people are not fair at you, then it’s quite normal. But if you cry because you’re born within this body, then it’s a discrimination problem that the “bad” society try to fight against for years!!!!
I know 2 straight guys with 26 and 28 years old that are quite nice and sexy, but they are still virgin. One thinks that he is so ugly that no woman in the world would accept him. The other instead thinks that he is so special that no girl that would like him is in the level of beauty that he could eventually accept….. If you think that you are the first case you should be sure first that you don’t act like the second one.
I know the feeling of being ugly, but if you were able to one day think that you are nice, it means that you could, for one day, also think that you accept how you are. It would be very helpfull for you to exercice this acceptance. I did it. Indeed it works….
As per the insinuations of the homosexual individual who has written “i like small penis” etc i state that is despicable, bad taste, inapropriate and inconsiderate to the other person. We dont care about your deviations, and it is unacceptable that even under this circumstances you still seek to exploit the feelings of sadness of other person.
As per the person who claims to be so ugly, bad designed etc. There is a clear contradiction in his words. He claims he cannot be loved because he is despicable ugly and he misses the charm of touching a girl. Hold on. They are completely opposite things. Precisely by beig ugly is entitled and has all the chances to find true love. If he were very attractive he would have lots of girls but likely no love. If what he misses is understandibly the fulfillment of his sexual desires with women, like many of us, we can get them for a short while and money. but without engaging into sexual risky practices. Not even a condom is a guarantee but you can certainly enjoy women, satisfy your desires and not risk any health damages. So, actually you can get love for free and sex for money. Not bad, hein,