They say I’m strong, but really…I’m just a coward

I had never wanted to die so much as I did last week. I don’t want to go into details because I’ve reached a point of apathy to survive. I want to die and to be at peace once and for all, and I know how to make it look like an accident. I’m too much of a coward to commit suicide. I’m too scared of some pain existing that is worse than this.
They say I’m strong enough to endure
I call me a coward for being too damn scared to do anything at all.