This is it in my time of need nobody is there to help me. I want to die but I don’t want to live. I am sick of living a lie! The people in my class say oh she is such a lovely girl always happy and smiling, they don’t even know me! It is all just a lie. In all honesty I am so unhappy. There are times I look in the mirror and think wow I look pretty or boy do I feel good. That is such a rarity, truth be told I despise myself. I despise the person that I have become. I can think back to a time that I was happy and that was when I was about? How pathetic I can’t even remember when I was last happy. I can’t even remember most of my childhood. I wake up in the morning and think to myself just another day that’s all it is, your going to see all your friends. That doesn’t even make me smile anymore, I just think of everything as a burden. I don’t have the strength to live, but I don’t have the strength to die. I can’t leave my family, but I can’t pretend to be happy. I am always starting arguments and making people unhappy and sad. I want to help those people that have nothing but how can I do that when I take everything I have for granted? I know my life is not as bad! I am a hypocrite, a girl living a lie trying to make everybody else happy just to try and forget about myself and all of my imperfections. I want to just be free to forget about everything just start again in a new place as a new person. I have recently found out that a girl I called one of my best friends had been calling me names behind my back. I have a really hard time trusting people as it is so that has made me feel even worse. I have attempted suicide many times and as I am here writing this they were unsuccessful. TIRED OF BEING ME, TIRED OF LIVING A LIE, I AM ALL TOGETHER TIRED OF LIVING!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!
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i know what you mean. i was the guy who looked happy but had the depressed life. ill do what i can to help you. ive had two friends commit suicide i dont want to see anyone else even try it. ITS NOT WORTH IT! IVE TRIED IT MORE THAN ONCE! im still here( thanks to hospitals and generous blood donors) and ill tell you life will give you shit but you have to go home get it out and wake up and do it all over again. thats life and we have people who are there for us. my email is Robert.Monwell@gmail.com
Hey I’m kinda new to this whole thing. To be honest I never really was gonna join till I read your story. I think we feel similar which I find very surprising. I can’t seem to find anything to be happy about in my day’s it’s just all one big ball of regret, lost causes, bad habbits, shit and horrible thoughts. I amn’t happy around anyone really. Though I tend to try help others more than anything else which I always thought strange. I mean I don’t really care about them but still I do it. I know what you mean about trusting people too. I used to trust some people but a good few ended up stabbing me in the back. I guess what I’m trying to say is I’m kinda like you and it’s weird. But yeah I know how you feel and all that… sorry like I said I’m not good at this kinda thing.
Anyway I thought I might like offer a hand or something seen as we seem to have similar issues but I dunno what I can do. I know what it’s like to want to get away from it all… to forget who you were and start being who you want to be with a little bit about your life that will make you feel happy. I’ve been looking for something like that for years. I hate who I am but I can’t change it… I don’t like life but I can’t seem to be able to end it. I hope almost every day that something will kill me… This mightn’t help you but maybe it’s similar… sorry I’ll shut up now
Hi snababo, thank you for taking the time to join because you read my post. Its amazing to find someone else that has a similar situation to me. I can understand exactly what you are saying. You don’t have to shut up you have every right to describe what you are feeling. i am hear to listen to you just like you have listened to me. Just know that you are not going through this alone, if you ever just need a chat then my email is serenity2338@googlemail.com.
i also am tired of living a lie and smiling when inside i feel like screaming. i feel i bring everyone down around me too because im always in a depressed mood. so if you want to talk to someone in a similar situation my email is lindragon.red@gmail.com
Thank you and if you ever need to talk then my email is serenity2338@googlemail.com
There is a poem called “A Simple Smile, A Scream Inside”. That’s what your post reminded me of.. just like me… I can’t deal with everyday life either but I do for my boyfriend’s sake. I am a sexual abuse survivor whose is barely surviving. I know how you feel. If you ever need to talk my screen name on aim is dreamgirl53219.