Somewhere i am cold, somewhere i miss my dead mother who died less than a year ago, somewhere i want to tell my boyfriend i love him but i just don’t know how because people use the phrase ‘i love you’ all the time that it doesn’t have any meaning anymore. Somewhere i feel like i’m standing in the middle of a room crowded by people and there just pushing around and i keep stumbling and falling down but no one sees and no one stops to help me, they just keep going pushing shoving and ignoring me. I start to scream and no one turns, no one hears. Somewhere i feel the world is grey, the world is slow, everything is dieing around me. I’m scared and worried, in my friends in the people i care about i see grey in them i see sadness and pain and its all hiding away. I’m scared. A few friends tell me about the grey… and i tell them to keep fighting i tell them to survive that it will get better. I give them my ear to listen because i care because i love them and i like to feel needed. I will lend my advice and i will listen to people’s problems as long as i live… but i’m scared. I’m scared because as i give everyone my ear and as i tell everyone to keep living and keep going… what do i do for myself. No kidding that sounds selfish as hell and i feel bad but i’m human… and i can’t help what i feel. I feel as though i have nothing left, i feel as though i have no hope no encouragement left to give myself, i feel as though i’ve given it all to everyone else, and sometimes i don’t mind because i care about those people. I leave nothing for myself… and i feel bad for saying that… because it sounds SO selfish… I have no one to tell me to survive, i have no one to tell me i need to keep going… How does one know how much someone actually cares until it’s too late? What would happen if i died, i know some people would be sad… but how sad, how would they feel… i want to see, i want to see the tears and hear the crys… if there would be any… i want to die so i can know… i want to die. I don’t want to keep going, i don’t want to give away all my courage… but yet i want to i want to give everyone my courage and hope and love. I want to heal other people… i want to help other people… what do i do anymore…
3 comments
I care a lot and i would be horrified in tears if you hurt yourself, you would leave me a sense of frustration and restlessnes for the irretrieveable. but if you leave, you bless us with your humanity, with your voice, with your ideas good or weird, with your sense of humor and with your low mood, with your hunger and with your thirst, I just know that if you were here we could hang out in town and spend the afternoon like a wonderful day and i would be so grateful to you and i would care that you also were happy and cared for
Alvaro
sorry i meant “if you live” not if you leave
Hello there. My alias is Phoung. its a pleasure to meet you. we can talk about this. heres my email.i check them daily.
silly.snowball@yahoo.com