i cannot breath thefor i cannot live

i look out the window and try to forget all that goes on around me. because just for a minute i want to forget all the bad and think of some good. there has to be good! there just has to! or else why do people live so long?? but i just cant seem to find that good, that happyness that makes me smile from ear to ear. i know there was a point in time i was truelly happy, there had to have been, right? i just dont know anymore. i want to cut so bad! the urge is killing me slowly. but i hava to fight it or else people will be mad. mad at me, just like they always are. i cant to a thing right. i just want to be someone that someone looks up to, if only for a minute.