I dont know anymore.

  November 2nd, 2009 by Ashleigh

Ok, I apologize at how mixed up this all is, I dont really no how to order it properly, so its just gonna change around alot. And i’m not really even sure if i want to write all this stuff up here, But it seems a few people are getting help from this sight, So i thought maybe it could help me too. Maybe. Allthough i kinda doubt it. But i cant talk about any of this kinda stuff with my friends or family or anyone i know. So yeah, Soz. I’m 14, a girl, And I just cant concentrate on anything anymore, Im failing at stuff at school, I cant even concentrate on my friends. And i just feel so guilty about that, My friends used to be my reason for living, But now i doubt theyd even miss me all that much if i were to kill myself, I self harm alot, But i just feel so numb, it hardly even hurts anymore, And it really scares me, It used to be my way to feel alive, But after a few years i just cant feel it. And i hate it. Its weird though, How i can don this kind of mask of happiness, normalness when i absoloutely have to (school, etc etc) and it almost feels real, But as soon as i get home, its gone, Vanished, And im back to where i started. Feeling so effing suicidal. Iv’e written a note before, I was gonna do it last year, But my best friend at the time rang me, Just to have a chat, And ask how i was, It showed me that someone cared. She quite literally saved my life. But i know that wouldnt happen now, Ive planned my death and everything. I know exactly how i plan to do it. Im just not sure when. But Im sure it will probs be soonish. I hope. I just really cant stand my life anymore and i dont know why, I guess its pretty good, My parents care about me (i think) and im not homeless or anything, Its just all so confusing and scary.

If anyone could help or just talk maybe heres my email

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