Yesterday, November 17th, was exactly one year that I really tried commiting suicide. So many times between then and now, I have tried it~but never gone through with it completly.
Lastnight, I was going to finally finish the job once I returned home. To my dismay, my mother and brother were there~I hadn’t expected that. Due to them being home, I didn’t do it. But I did collect all the medicine in the house before going to spend the night with a friend.
If my mother and brother weren’t home, I’d have finally ended it.
If my friend hadn’t agreed to spend the night and today with me, maybe I’d have ended too…
Now, for over a year, I’m still in the same place I was before. My thoughts on suicide haven’t changed. But I have learned how to properly and succussfully do it now.
This is from my first time:
I’ve been trying all this past year to get help too. No one will believe me~I got as far as the emergancy room and they sent me home. I’m so afraid if I try getting help again, no one will believe me…
1 comment
I do did thought of ending my life too.. many times indeed, especially when I’m alone and holding a knife but i never tried it.. i think it’s because I’m too coward or maybe because I’m afraid of dying, but the thought of dying always lingers in my mind. I had thoughts that if i would end my life everything will come to an end… all those sufferings, pain, hatred, tears, regrets, the feeling of being unwanted,all of those will vanished… but also all of those good things that i treasure will be lost too… that thought made me try to find a reason why should i still live in this world… and now I’m still trying to find it and i don’t care how long it would take for i had promised myself that i wont give up…. i hope you will too… let’s try to find our place in this damned world…