Can you be happy but want to end your life at the same time? Have a laugh come easily, a smile form on your lips without you noticing but behind all that rooted deep inside you there is a darkness lurking. The only thing stopping it is your smile, but then when youâ€™re alone and let your mind wander you find yourself unlocking that darkness and letting it surge through you. Then before you know it tears linger in your eyes, your heart hurts as if someone is squeezing it and its fighting to keep beating, head pounding in a matter of seconds. Soon your thoughts are ones beating yourself up, pointing out the things you hate about yourself, that you think others hate about you. You start to wonder what the hell is wrong with you. You wish that you were someone else, had their life, their looks, and their intelligence. Everyday, even though your smiling, you find yourself dragging your self through that day and dreading the next. This is exactly how i feel. I dont know what to do because im scared. Scared that if i use sleeping pills to overdose it will be painful or wont work. Scared of what it will do to my mom, i dont want her to blame herself, i dont want her to hurt. Its weird cause i dont care what my friends think at all. I dont know what to do, but i dont want to live anymore. I kind of just want it to end, to leave it all behind. But im scared. So most likely, i will go on hating myself and drag myself through yet another day.