I’ve been reading posts on this site for a while now, but I never thought about posting myself. But things have gone out of hand, and I maybe just need this.
Soon I’ll be moving back to England (I’ve been living in Spain for 15 years now) but my father won’t be coming with us. I’ve resently discovered that he’s got a drinking problem (alcoholic) and if he doesn’t stop drinking he will die in less than 10 years. I’m scared.
Also because it will be me and my mum alone, and if I did what I planed to do since I was 13 (kill myself when I was 18, crashing my car) she ( my mum) wouldn’t cope with it and I can’t stand that, I need to be with her.
But life is just so damn horrible I can’t stand it anymore. I say it’s horrible not by own experience but by what I see life is and what happens and how hopeless I feel.
I’ve done like mini-attemps of suicide twice before and my parents know it, they were the ones that picked me up from where I was or holded the bowl when I was vomiting. I feel really bad for letting them down but I can’t get wanting to kill myself out of my head.
I guess there’s no real reason I posted this, just needed to say it.
3 comments
I’ve visited Spain once, and have traveled to other countries, but I’ve never been to England, actually your life sounds fascinating to me full of adventure. I think your mom needs you and you need her. I don’t know the reasons for the move. This trial that you are going through will only make you stronger, you will look back and know that you made it through that so you can make it through whatever lies ahead. I don’t presume to know your pain or how you feel, but I do feel a certain amount of anguish from your story, I have not been associated with anyone with a drinking problem so I can’t offer any advice there. Just hold on to what’s important!
escribeme si quieres charlar yo vivo en Inglaterra alvaro@ya.ru
write me if you need to talk, i m from Spain, live in England, can surely help alvaro@ya.ru