I’ve been reading posts on this site for a while now, but I never thought about posting myself. But things have gone out of hand, and I maybe just need this.
Soon I’ll be moving back to England (I’ve been living in Spain for 15 years now) but my father won’t be coming with us. I’ve resently discovered that he’s got a drinking problem (alcoholic) and if he doesn’t stop drinking he will die in less than 10 years. I’m scared.
Also because it will be me and my mum alone, and if I did what I planed to do since I was 13 (kill myself when I was 18, crashing my car) she ( my mum) wouldn’t cope with it and I can’t stand that, I need to be with her.
But life is just so damn horrible I can’t stand it anymore. I say it’s horrible not by own experience but by what I see life is and what happens and how hopeless I feel.
I’ve done like mini-attemps of suicide twice before and my parents know it, they were the ones that picked me up from where I was or holded the bowl when I was vomiting. I feel really bad for letting them down but I can’t get wanting to kill myself out of my head.
I guess there’s no real reason I posted this, just needed to say it.