As the title says, it is worthless for me to keep trying, to keep myself alive. I urge myself for dying, for finishing all this.
My parents hate me , they just think I’m disgraceful, but that’s not really the point, I really have got over it from saying that they wish I was never born. My friends do know a bit about my life, but not enough. I’m tired of faking smiles to make people think I’m doing good. What’s the point of keep going? Even if I have support from others it won’t help at all. I self injure quite a lot, and I have tried to go further than injuries many time, but for some reason I’m always interrupted. I want to let go, and yes I do know what is wrong and what I need to know. But I seriously wish someone could listen, for once. To hear my real problems, to feel happy for once and not be faking. I want to end it now.
4 comments
hang in there, we were put on earth to love and be loved. even though it might not seem like it you are loved, do not be silent you need to talk about how you feel and all your REAL problems, do not put up the fake smile when you are upset on the inside.
Hello. My alias is Phoung. Its a pleasure to meet you.
From the way it sounds, in your mindset, things are just dead. I assume, that it sounds like your world is crashing down to its last piece. But that is no the case. I am willing to help you see, that this is not worthless. I willnot tell you what is right or wrong. It is up to you to decide.
For your parent part, there isn’t much i can say there. If you could, please elaborate. Are you saying that they wish you were never born? or are you thinking that they wish you were never born?
Well, you say that your friends don’t know enough. This is only a suggestion, but maybe you should confide in them more than you normally tell them. By telling your friend what is going can relieve a lot of stress for you. It is also a nice big step towards the relief you seek. So i encourage you to tell a friend, whether cyber or real.
Also, by telling them what is going on, you test them. Here, you can find out which friends are willing to be there for you all the way. But, again, this is only a suggestion, you do not have to follow thru with this.
And i can totally agree with you when you say that even support is not enough. There are times when support is a good help. And then there are the times in which support isn’t helping because it isn’t giving you the answers that you want. But one thing i will tell you, dont feel as if “Support” is the only way of coping.
I can also agree with you on the smiles. Smiles are deep and spiritual things. You’re right. Faking one can be tiring. But for one, you shouldn’t have to smile a fake one. And you shouldnt have to pretend that everything is ok. I dont want you to feel that this is the only thing you have to do. As i have suggested before, you should be honest and reach out to someone. With me, i want you to tell me what youre truly feeling.
Self injury. Hm. Well, here i wont tell you no. And i wont tell you that it is wrong or not. I have commited to self injury. I understand that self injury is a way of coping with the pain. But also, when the pain is too much and your way of coping can’t help you anymore, it results in the act of commiting to suicide.
I would like it if you could reconsider not commiting to suicide. Because, I believe you can really over come all of this. You dont have to make this the end. You can make the end the start of a new beginning.
as for being interrupted, by that what do you mean? do you mean the fear that strikes you before you harm yourself, which results in the interruption?
I would like foryou to tell me more about this. I want this end for you too, by that i mean i want you to stop having to fake this and that. I want for you to be able to begin to smile for yourself. I want you to wake up and feel no more pain. i want for you to wake up and feel the warmth of the rays of sun embrace you. I want for you to look forward to the days of tomorrow. I am deteremined and willing to help you achieve this.
I dont know you well enough to tell you do this or that. I can only ask that you come and talk to me about it. I want to hear all of the hardships you are dealing with. Talk to me whenever you want. I check my emails daily, i sincerly encourage you to do so. You want someone to just listen. Well, here i am. I am ready to listen, so tell me, what is on your mind?
silly.snowball@yahoo.com
Hello my first response but uh yea im 15 recently but ive been told by my dad that i dissapoint him and everything and it gets to me aswell, and seeing as you have all these problems, i mean personally i want to find a easy way to kill myself, but if you can handle it and you enjoy life go for it. If you dont and its what you want then i rekon you should do what you please.
When I came to England I was outraged at how people “greet” each other. Yes we know that when people say how are you? the dont give a phuck and you d better not say you are not doing well because you will see some wry cross expression on their faces. But the British have taken it a step further. Instead of asking you “how are you?” they already have the answer so they go “hi you r awright” and that is it, you dont even have the chance now to say it yourself aint that outraging? :)))