nothing can help me

So far i have tried everything 2 get help. I have been 2 psyciatrists, doctors, i just finished a week stay at a mental hospital, im on meds, and i am still so fuckin depressed. Im 14 and have been depressed for 6 years, and it is going 2 be 7 soon. I dont know what happiness feels like and i doubt i ever will. I do cut, but i am trying 2 stop. I just need a way out, and i am starting 2 think about suicide again. I just dont know y i am supposed 2 live. I have no talents or potential. Im just a fuck up. Im worried bout the people i would leave behind. Wen they found out that i wuz depressed it supprised them alot cuz i can fake bein happy really good. A lot of them got really scared and i dont want 2 hurt any of them, but i want 2 die so bad. Im thinking about getting off of my meds. If i stop taking my psych meds i will have a seizure and die. I wouldnt need a gun or anything. It wont be painless, but im used 2 pain…its all i no. I just wish that there wuz sumpthin that could help me.