I’m 18 year’s old..i’ve always had suicidal thought, i was a cutter for 3 year’s then started doing cocaine to try to fix the fucked up feeling’s in me. I stopped cutting and doing drug’s and got onto anti-depressent’s they seemed to work really well i finally felt what i assumed normal people feel like, but because im going to be 19 in a week or so im going to be cut off my mom’s drug plan witch is making the anti-depressents way to expensive to afford so im slowly being weined off them and im back to feeling my old self, and i hate it. I dont want to get out of bed, i dont want to eat, i dont want to see anyone i just want to lie here in bed all day and die. I started cutting again last night after not doing it for almost 4 years, it felt so bitter sweet and realized how much i missed it. I can’t stand this feeling anymore and im going to make it end tonight hopfully.
6 comments
You are so young, I am 28 now and I wish I can turn back time and be that young to change everything, You have so much!!!! I don’t know why you have suicidal thoughts, I know why I do, I guess its easier to tell someone else ‘dont do it’ but…give yourself a chance. things get better when you get older and can make your own decisions. and not have your parents around. dont cut yourself, get a dog instead! they love you unconditionally without judgement.
I just don’t want to wait around to see if it get’s better..i don’t know how i’ve made it this long i never thought i’d be here to reach 18, thing’s have never gotten better what if i wait around for nothing? i wish i could get another pet but im not allowed pets where i live now, i just lost my cat my best friend, dont think i could do it again.
I know that this is not a solution to any problem. But do you like to read Fantasy books? I highly recommend The Dragonlance novels, They are so dang good, I escape in books, there’s magic, fighting, bravery, courage, love and faith is the basis of the plot. What makes it good is that you connect with the characters. I got divorced 3 years ago and my fear is being alone for the rest of my life, I feel why go through the rest of my life thinking and hoping that my “knight in shining armor” will come along and never will. So days go by and I have to at least keep my mind occupied with things that make me happy.
I read constantly i jus usually only read biographys on rockstars and drug addicts. but i could try that
Hello, my alias is PhoungSeppuku. Its a pleasure to meet you. At the end of the comment i will leave my email. i would appreciate it if you would come and talk to me.
first off, i want you to reconsider commiting to suicide. You raise the question as for it surprises you that you made it to the your age of today. The answer to that is simply–you are a soldier. I dont belive in God, but i do believe in fate. You made it this far because i was to be so. Since you have made it this far, i would like to see you continue on.
I will be here if only if you want me to be. I know that if you do decide to stay here with us, that your future will not be easy. I am willing to stand by your side and be there, but only if you want me to. I understand that your life is full of hardships, mine is too, and i am willing to help you over come them, one step at a time.
As of right now, i want to let you know–just by coming here, you have reached out. This means you still have a little part of you that is willing to live. And this, this is a big nice step towards helping yourself to the relief you seek. You have come this far, so i encourage you to continue on.
As for not getting up or moving. I can’t really say much, its a bit shocking. This is getting really bad, and i hope you seek more help soon. With the cutting, if you could stop for 4 years, which by the way is a really really good achievement, i believe you can continue on and leave that mess behind. There are other alternatives for cutting.
To be honest, no one knows the true feeling of normal people, because we are our own individuals. Each and every one of us feel something different. We have different pain that which one can bare. What you feel is simply normal for you.
One last thing. If you do commit to suicide, remember this: there is no turnin back. Now that youhave died, you will have died with no peace in mind, that peace you so longingly wanted. And your soul will have to bare on with the only thing it felt : unhappyness. Please, reconsider. Suicide is not the answer. I am positive there are other ways of coping.
But it is your choice with what you decide to do. I will not tell you what is right or not, because its not my place.I do hope you will choose wisely.
I will not tell you that you should do this or that. I am hoping that you’ll reconsider. There is still some good in this life. Remember, i am here if you want to talk. I check my emails daily. So come and tell me how you feel today. or maybe tomorrow. I want to know.
Silly.snowball@yahoo.com
well about the guy who is 28 and got divorced 3 times i tell you even if i am depressed i bursted in a shot laugh when you said that you were afraid of being alone all your life. As far as i see you are a damn Casanova, if you managed to get married 3 times by the age of 28 you must have something very attractive for women. I havent seen a woman in 21 years only in the pictures and magazines. So smile,