It all began when i was 11. I lived with my mom my whole life, and with both parents up until i was 8. My mom has always been a very emotional person, so in 2007, she got put into the hospital for depression. I never really thought anything of it. Until i knew something was wrong when me and my sister were moved from house to house not knowing where we were going to stay next because mom didnt want my dad to know where she went. She finally got better, and i went back home, my sister then moved into my dads house because she wanted to see her boyfriend more. So it was just me and mom living together, i still remember the day, it was november 14 at 4 30 pm, when my mom dropped me off at my dads, and said she would be back to get me the next day at 5 30 after work, she never showed. I waited for 2 weeks for her to call. But she didnt, she only dropped my stuff off in my dads yard and left and ran off to another town withÂ her boyfriend she just met. He had a son, so i then had a new brother. I love my mom with all of my heart so i soon forgave her, even though 4 years later, there is still the hurt that she just left me.
After i moved in with my dad everything was fine, i was still daddies little girl and we soon bought a new house, thats when he got a new girlfriend. My first impression was not a very good one, she was rude, and mean. I told my dad i didnt like her, and seeing as he would love me and my sister more, he would leave her, but that wasnt the case, she soon brainwashed him and they both became abusive. My stepmom would call me ugly, and no good, and she would tell me that she was only here for my father and didnt want anything to do with me or my sister. She began hitting me, throwing things at me and not communicating with me at all. I thought of all people i could turn to, was my dad, but he had changed too. He also began hitting me and telling me im no good for anything. I then began trying my hardest to meet their expecations, i would clean, i would get good grades but i couldnt handle it, and when i would tell me friends about what it was like at home, they wouldnt listen and they woudl say i just want attention. I started talking to my good councellor, i was only a little girl, 12 years old and in my first year of Jr. High. I had nobody to lean on, and im not the type of persont o show my feelings. It just kept prgressing into the next year where i started to feel useless and worthless just like ive been told, i didnt want to tell anyone about i thought the only way out was suicide. I started cutting, and writing goodbye letters, and thinking of any possible way to get out of my hurt.
My father didnt love me, his grilfriend hated me, me and my sister barly talked, and my mom abandoned me, even though i went and seen her every weekend i could, ias still angry with her and still am to this day. I went outside to my tree and tied a rope around my neck, i tried to hang myself, since nobody loved me anyways nobody would care. i got to the point where i couldnt see anything but light, and the rope broke. I got scared and quickly tried to catch my breath. As the year progessed into the next, things still kept getting worse, i ran away, i started to have sex, and i lost all of my friends, again, i felt even more useless. Then in june of last year, my grandfather died, we were very close and he was just like my best friend, i was devistated, and i dont know why god would take him away from me when i needed him the most, i told him everything, i loved him with all of my heart. I couldnt handle all of this, so again, i started cutting and thinking of ways to end my life.
As soon as i moved in with my father, i knew things would change, so i started drinking alot.
And i started hanging out with the wrong people.
Two months ago, i got really drunk with my boyfriend, we had unprotected sex, and now, im pregnant, another thing to ruin my life, i know im only doing this myself, but i dont want this child to be born into a messed up family like this, im thinking about ending my life for real soon, and its going to be too late if i dont get help, im 15 years old i despritley need it, i want this to end i really do. but i dont know where to get help, i have nobody left in my life.